Roman Empire’s Roast



(June 6, 2016)  The Roman Empire was not content just to give a going away speech and leave the prison camp, and relocate to Miami for the drug program, which would cut a year or so off his long 10 year sentence.  This egomaniac Roman Empire wanted to throw himself a going away party.  He enlisted a few of his friends to help him organize this party, such as the Separdi Rabbi Ben Chaim, Sam’s Club, Earl David and Israeli Lev.  I begrudgingly said I would help out.  I learned in prison that it was safer to be Roman’s friend than his enemy.

Ben Chaim, the Separdi rabbi, was part of the Solomon Dwek case.  Dwek got 48 guys indicted, most from his close knit Syrian Jewish community.  His own parents publicly disowned him in their synagogue.  Rabbi Ben Chaim did all the cooking.  He likes to cook.  He is good with Middle Eastern spices.  I helped him out with the food prep.  It was nice weather, so Roman’s party would be outside on the back patio, which is also used as a visiting area.

Roman was not the most well liked guy in the prison camp. Not many guys were planning to go to his party.  So in order to get guys to go to the party, I thought it would be fun to have a “roast” for Roman.  I asked around to see if any of the guys would be interested.  Most guys cursed me out and said they would rather get raped by a silver backed gorilla than go to Roman’s going away party.

Short of getting guys to show up at the Roman roast, I asked them if they would give me material that I could use for the roast.  Inmate Jewmark, a veteran in the prison, told me that a roast was never done in Camp Otisville. A roast was unprecedented.   I told Jewmark that I had Roman’s permission.  So Jewmark told me some stories about how Roman went to the SHU (the “hole”) three times. He also told me that every time Roman walked out on the soccer field all the guys would walk off.  Nobody liked to play soccer with Roman.  Roman was a physically big and strong guy.  He played dirty.  He would run you over on the soccer field.  Aside from that, at one point before my time, guys suspected Roman of ratting out guys in the camp.  So nobody would talk to Roman for some period of time.

One inmate was wondering if a “roast” meant that Zaidy (Inmate Naftali Schlesinger who is locked up for 15 years for burning down his building), was going to set Roman on fire.  I told him that Roman was not going to be set on fire.  This inmate was very disappointed and said he wasn’t going to give me any material.

Inmate Teaneck Trouble told me to tell Roman at the roast, “Don’t be that guy!”  Teaneck Trouble’s favorite expression. But Roman was always “that guy.”  Inmate Don Isaac told me there would be a bigger party at the prison after Roman left, celebrating his departure. Don Isaac told me that Roman should take Sam’s Club with him.  Sam’s Club eventually was kicked out of the camp for getting caught smuggling a bag of contraband into the prison from the woods. The bag contained cigarettes, food, and a Swiss army knife.  Cigarettes were going for $30 a pack.  The reason Sam’s Club got booted was because of the Swiss army knife, a deadly weapon.  But the guys in the camp get to work at various parts of the prison where they have access to all kinds of deadly weapons.

I asked the Head Blueboy in Charge of the Camp, ie., The Grand Exalted Scalbarino, whether he had anything to say for the Roman roast.  He said he had “no comment” and would read about the roast in my blog.  The Soup Nazi said that after Roman leaves Sam’s Club will have to hire a new lookout.  In prison it takes two guys to steal food.  It takes team work.  One guy has to be the lookout and the other guy has to do the actual stealing.

After I finished my roast, Roman gave his own roast of inmates that he didn’t like in the prison.  Roman said that his first bunkie, Haim, drove him crazy.  He said Haim had a hard time breathing and used a sleep apnea machine.  He said Haim complained that Roman’s cologne and chopped garlic made it hard for Haim to breathe.  Roman didn’t like Haim’s complaints, so Roman urinated in his sleep apnea machine.  He said Haim didn’t notice, but the machine eventually got clogged up and didn’t work.

Roman and Haim didn’t get along, so Roman ended up bunking with a guy named Harold.  Harold was a short, overweight, nerdy Jewish accountant with thick glasses.  Harold was doing 5 years because he was the accountant for a violent motorcycle gang. He had the tatoo to prove it.  Harold didn’t shower much, which drove Roman crazy.  Roman kept opening up the windows in the middle of winter because Harold smelled so bad.  My bunk was right next to Roman’s and Harold’s bunk.  Roman used to freeze me out.  My bunkie was an older Filipeno man who snored a lot at night.  When his snoring got too loud Roman would smash our bunk to wake him up.

Greer, Senator Blumenthal & The Wolf


(June 3, 2016)  Rabbi Greer shares many traits with the “Wolf.”  A wolf is defined by Merriam’s dictionary as “(1) any  one of several large predatory canids that live and hunt in packs and resemble the related dogs;  compare coyote, jackal (2) a fierce, rapacious, or destructive person (3)  a man forward, direct, and zealous in amatory attentions to women…”  But Rabbi Greer does not chase women.  Rabbi Greer has a weakness for teenage boys.

Rabbi Greer shares many traits with a man named “Wolf.”  Republican August Wolf is running for United States Senate against powerful Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal.  Rabbi Greer is good friends with Senator Blumenthal.  Blumenthal regularly appeared at the annual Greer fundraising “gathering.”  The gathering is scheduled to be held at the Yale Law School on June 7th at 6 PM.  Larry Noodles will be there to cover the event.  If Senator Skeletor shows up Larry Noodles will be there to take selfies with the Senator.

August Wolf was just sued in Superior Court in Stamford by campaign worker Samantha Menh for sexual harassment.  She was fired by Wolf after she repelled his repeated sexual advances.  She claims he hired 20 something year old girls for his campaign in order to fulfill his sexual desires.  Similar to Rabbi Greer, who set up a Yeshiva for teenage boys in order to satisfy his sexual needs.

Samantha alleged in her lawsuit that the GOP paid for her apartment.  She alleged that GOP candidate Wolf used to dangle the keys to her apartment in her face and tell her “I have the keys.”  Greer controlled teenage boys in a similar way.  Greer had the keys to all the buildings on the Greer compound where the boys lived.  He used these buildings to rape Avi Hack and Eli Mirlis when they were teenagers, and who knows who else.

Samantha alleged in her lawsuit against Wolf that she was a petite 5′ 2″ young woman, while Wolf was a former Olympian.  She said he barricaded her in his office with his large body and tried to force himself on her.  Rabbi Greer, who is physically the same size as August Wolf, forced his body on petite teenage boys.  Rabbi Avi Hack is a petite grown man.  Rabbi Greer physically towered over Avi Hack when Rabbi Greer raped Avi was a teenager.

Samantha claimed in her lawsuit that August Wolf, like Greer, had a hangup with sodomy.  August Wolf has a gay father and a gay sister.  He also had a gay campaign manager.  He told Samantha that his campaign team was “a bunch of gay lovers circle jerking each other.”   August Wolf is running against Richard “Dick” Blumenthal.  Samantha allged that August Wolf was obsessed with the fact that Blumenthal’s nickname was “Dick.”  Rabbi Greer, similarly, was also obsessed with this nickname.

Larry Noodles suggests that Wolf and Greer come out of the closet and get married already. What are they waiting for?  Greer and Wolf are both right wing conservatives.  They both graduated from Princeton.  They could turn their wedding into a big social media event and raise a lot of money, like the Kardashians.  Short of tying the knot, they should definitely get together at the gay bar Partners Cafe in New Haven for a date.  Or they could meet at the infamous Brook Cafe in Westport, which would be closer to Wolf.  Larry Noodles could be the shadchan (matchmaker).

Samantha claimed in her lawsuit that Wolf referred to Connecticut Republican minority leader Klaridis as “Clitoris,” Klaridis and Clitoris sounding similar, plus a reference to Themis Klaridis as an attractive young woman.  Larry Noodles takes personal offense.  Themis Klaridis is the only person in the State Capital who has a functioning brain.  If Themis ever runs for Governor, Larry Noodles would be sure to get all Connecticut convicts to vote for Themis.  Full disclosure:  Larry Noodles went to law school with Themis, but Themis was an honest lawyer.  She never chose to lead a life of crime like Larry Noodles.

Roman Empire’s Parting Speech



(June 2, 2016) Inmate Roman Empire is leaving Otisville and heading South to Miami, to get into the drug addict program that will cut a year or more off his sentence.  He got a long 10 year sentence for mortgage fraud.  He was a Bukarian Jewish lawyer from Queens who got involved with a sexy mortgage broker.  They all got busted in the end, but only Roman went to jail. Roman is an outgoing, brash, arrogant, aggressive, young man.  He fought the Feds.  He should know better.  You never fight the Feds.  You will always lose.  And then you get hammered at sentencing.  Roman went to trial and lost, and got ten years.  A man in his 30’s with a family, serving 10 long years.  And he didn’t even deal drugs, or run up losses in the tens of millions of dollars like some of the other guys doing ten years.

He was an inmate you didn’t mess with.  He was close with the blueboyz.  He would set you up if he didn’t like you.  There is an old saying, keep your friends close but your enemies even closer.  With Roman it was better to be his friend than his enemy.  He was demanding, self centered and manipulative. But he could also be charming, protective and loyal. You had to deal with him.  You couldn’t get away from him.  Just like the rest of the guys, somehow you had to deal with everyone in the camp, regardless of how they acted.  You were all locked up together.

When Roman went to the drug program in Miami everyone expected him to get kicked out because of his personality.  The drug program is supposed to be tough.  You have to take a bunch of classes all day to help you kick the habit.  Most guys in the program were not real drug addicts to begin with.  But they got a letter from a doctor before they got sentenced that said they were drug dependent, so they were eligible for the program.  Like most Federal programs it is a waste of time.

The blueboyz encourage guys to rat each other out in the drug program, so many guys get kicked out of the program.  Not sure why it is set up this way, but this is the way it works.  The first thing you learn in prison is that you don’t ask the question, “why?”

Roman ended up not getting kicked out of the program, but I heard that he was instrumental in getting three other guys kicked out of the program.  I last saw him when he left Otisville and gave his parting speech at the Friday night Shabbos dinner.  Here is the speech:

“Friends,Countrymen, Shabbat Shalom… in the famous quote from James LeBron, ‘I’m taking my talents to South Beach.’  This prison has 50 shades of Judaism, from Ashkanazi to Sephardic to Hasidic to Litvish to Satmar to Slonim to Chabad to Conservative to Reform to Lenny Kalish, a self hating Jew.  In reality, Lenny doesn’t actually hate himself, he loves himself tremendously, never missing an opportunity to talk about his latest achievements, its just that he doesn’t like other Jews too much.  Which is understandable in this prison, Jews tend to get on each others nerves living in prison conditions.

Most of you know me by now, I don’t sugarcoat, I say it how it is.  I hope nobody will get offended.  I tried to find good things to say about some of you.  Those that were just too difficult I politely skipped.  After all, my grandmother taught me that if I have nothing nice to say, just say it in Yiddish.  Since Haim is no longer here, I will only speak in English.  I have many people to thank. First I would like to thank G-d.  I would like to thank guys who are no longer here, ie., David Schick, Jacobowitz brothers and Effraim Stern, and my study partners Rovner and Altman.

I would like to thank Naftali for the public reading of the Torah each week, and for not inducting me as a member of his elite club known as “shmuckos” and “behemoths”.   I would like to thank the four guys who left for Passover furloughs, Badduch, Pinter, Naftali and Jacobowitz.  It was not just four furloughs for four inmates.  It was 61 furloughs for the 61 Jews in the camp who didn’t have to put up with you guys over Passover

I would like to thank Rabbi Pinter for his classes, mussar speeches, and latest updates from the A-1 lobby (the medium next door where Pinter worked).  Thanks for running for gabbai in all the elections.  Sorry you never won.  Please don’t run again, you are 0 for 6, which is the current batting average of the NY Yankees shortstop.  Thanks for the fun working in the warehouse.  I will never forget how I ended up in the SHU for taking 2 peaches.

I would like to thank inmate Useless, for serving us challah on Shabbos without any crumbs, and all the work that you did behind the scenes, your classes and words of advice.  I would like to ask you a question:  Who is the best businesswoman in the Bible?  Pharoah’s daughter, she pulled a prophet out of a basket floating in the Nile.

Thank you inmate Sweet, for sharing the details of your most intimate stories in our drug rehab classes, I will forever be emotionally damaged by them.

Thank you Baddouch, I see that you struggle daily with making peace with Don Isaac, I realize how difficult this is, you are in the same position as the State of Israel trying to make peace with the Arabs.  I heard that Universal is coming out with a sequel that will feature your criminal case story called “Dumb and Dumber II”.

Thank you Don Isaac, thanks for leaving our Shabbat table, and thank you for all the questions you asked during the rabbi’s class, no matter how irrelevant.  Thank you for your priestly blessings.

Thank you Dr. Muss, the foot doctor.  I give you a blessing that you finally find a soul mate, a woman who won’t press charges or file restraining orders.

Best of luck to you David Biotech Blech.  With recent amendments passed to reduce the sentencing guidelines, I see that you are already writing  your goodbye speech, I hope you get out soon.

Thank you Larry Dressler, Larry Love, Larry Noodles, Larry Ding-Dong, Larry Warehouse gabbai.  You are like the Otisville Kardashian, everyone wants to give you a new name.  Thank you for keeping Neighborhood Mitch happy and safe.  Thank you for blogging to the outside world.  I look forward to reading what  you had to say about all of us.

Thank you Earl David, the official camp stenographer, you always had a pen and paper in hand, jotting down notes of what goes on in the camp.  I saw him taking notes of himself taking notes.

Thank you Moshe Butler.  You are a unique person, in that your body converts more simple carbs into sugars than the biggest sugarcane refineries in Brazil.  Thank you for shoveling snow, that one time.  Thank you for singing at the Shabbos table.

Thank you Gabbai Glucksman.  I have to be careful of what I say about you, or I will end up in the SHU, or be investigated by SIS.  Thank you for doing a good job at maintaining peace among the most diverse group of people in the shul, with mood swings and “pill lines.”

Thank you Herman Jacobowitz.  You were there for me in the most difficult times I had in this prison.  Staying up late with me and keeping me sane.  I want to thank you for helping me get through some very hard times in my life.

Thank you Lev.  You are one of the nicest people in the camp, you are like my uncle, only nicer.  You always ask me if I need anything.  You play backgammon with me, and you are quite successful.

Thank you Houdini.  With you I felt like I had my own Sam’s Club.  You provided me with enough food to feed a family of four on a daily basis.  When the kitchen ran out of produce you have been known to supply them with what they needed.  Thank you for making it a fun experience here.  You are truly one of a kind.

Thank you Rabbi Ben Chaim.  I kindly and humbly thank you for all that you have done here for me.  Thank you for the blessings you gave me and my family.  I vividly remember a blessing you gave to my brother and his bride before they got married and now they are married and have a baby boy.  Thank you for playing gin with me and making me feel good by losing to me.  Thank you for all the stories that you told to everyone in the shul.  I hope to tell some over to my family.  In case I forgot any of them I’ll just start by using your default beginning in every story, “There once was a rich man with five golden coins…”  Thank you for heeding my advice and starting a class on the outdoor patio on Shabbat afternoons three years ago, it still continues to this day.

Thank you Head Blueboy S.  Mr. S asked me to mention his name in my speech, after all I worked for this man for almost three years, so here it goes, goodbye Mr. S, I hope I never see or hear from you ever again!!!

Shabbat Shalom everyone, may we speedily return to our families, and live to see the coming of the Messiah… Next year in Jerusalem!!!

Greer’s IRS Problems



(June 1, 2016)  It has been reported to Larry Noodles that Rabbi Greer has resorted to paying men to attend his religious services.  In these tough economic times Larry Noodles cannot blame men for taking money from Rabbi Greer.  Larry Noodles sent out hundreds of job applications and cannot even get a job answering phones at a law office.  A criminal record does not look good on one’s job application. But Larry Noodles is a man of principal.  He would never lower himself to get paid to show up to prayer services led by a serial sodomizer.  But others do not have such high moral standards.

It has been reported that the Greer minyan is on life support.  By some miracle Rabbi Greer is still managing to get 10 guys to attend his daily services.  One doctor recently left the fold.  A PhD, “Doc 1,” no longer attends Greer’s religious services.  Apparently Doc 1 took offense when Rabbi Greer attacked Larry Noodles during one of his sermons.  Doc 2 left the minyan some time ago.  Doc 2 is still mad at Larry Noodles and has threatened to use all his families money to sue Larry Noodles.  So far Larry Noodles has not been served with legal papers from Doc 2 notifying him of a lawsuit, but will keep readers updated.

It has also been reported that the prayer class taught by Rabbi Greer’s wife has been losing members.  This is a group of bubbies who have been holding weekly prayer meetings and Bible study classes, and discussions of non-Biblical topics, such as putting a curse on Larry Noodles. But the Bible is full of curses, so I guess putting curses on Larry Noodles would be considered Biblical learning.

Rabbi Greer operates a non-profit organization under Section 501(c)(3) of the Code of the Internal Revenue Service. According to the IRS web site, “The exempt purposes set forth in section 501(c)(3) are charitable, religious, educational… and preventing cruelty to children or animals.  The term charitable… includes relief of the poor, the distressed, or the underprivileged; advancement of religion…  lessening neighborhood tensions; eliminating prejudice and discrimination; defending human and civil rights…” The IRS web site also says that a Section 501(c)(3) organization “must not be organized or operated for the benefit of private interests, such as the creator or the creator’s family…”

Rabbi Greer’s non-profits could easily lose their status as 501(c)(3) organizations.  Rabbi Greer’s school violates the purposes of a non-profit in that his school does not prevent cruelty to children or animals.  Rabbi Greer is a serial child rapist.  The Greers also kill animals every year, as a demonstration of kosher slaughter. The Greers even feature their makeshift “slaughterhouse” as one of the many attractions of the Greer yeshiva.  Unlike PETA, Larry Noodles does not believe kosher slaughter is cruel to animals. But Greer could be in violation of local zoning laws by setting up a makeshift slaughterhouse in his backyard.  Larry Noodles believes that making the two year old Greer grandchildren watch a bull get it’s head sawed off in the Greer backyard is cruel to children.  Larry Noodles once witnessed the bull break loose and almost trample the Greer grandchildren.  The Greers typically play classical music to the behemiah in order to calm the beast before the kill.   No joke.

Rabbi Greer could also lose his status as a 501(c)(3) because his synagogue is in violation of the IRS rule that says the organization must not operate for the “benefit of private interests, such as the creator…”  The reason Rabbi Greer still operates his synagogue is in order to give himself the appearance of legitimacy in the face of an ongoing Federal lawsuit.  Greer pays men to appear at his non-profit synagogue.  This does not serve the purpose of a 503(c)(3).

Every year hundreds of non-profits lose their 501(c)(3) status as a result of IRS investigations.  In 2013 the IRS took heat for targeting non-profits with the names “tea party” or “occupy”.   The Obama Administration did not criminally prosecute anyone at the IRS, but stated that the IRS acted improperly.  The IRS should stop wasting its time going after Tea Parties and Occupiers.  The IRS should focus on revoking the 501(c)(3) status of Rabbi Greer and his non-profits, that were used as fronts for Rabbi Greer to engage in child rape.

Larry Noodles’ Prison Advice for Ex Fed Prosecutor


According to the Federal Court database Former Attorney / Federal Prosecutor Harold James Pickterstein is to turn himself in to Connecticut Federal Marshals today at noon.  Which is odd.  In most cases the felon is allowed to “self surrender” to the facility where he is designated.

Pickerstein requested a jail cell in Otisville, NY.  At this point Pickerstein probably received a letter from the Bureau of Prisons (BOP) telling him where the BOP has decided to place him.  Just because Pickerstein asked for Otisville doesn’t mean he will get Otisville.  The BOP is not too concerned with a felon’s preference as far as jail is concerned, regardless of what the sentencing judge ordered.

If Pickerstein is en route to Otisville right now, I offer him free advice.  He doesn’t have to hire a high priced “prison consultant” to contact the prison to make sure everything is set up before he arrives. There is one such consultant many inmates from Otisville have used.  This man used to be the Head Blueboy in Charge of Otisville.  He makes a good profit off of guys who are scared to death of getting locked up.  Why should anyone be frightened of being locked up in the most wealthy and enlightened country in the world?   It could be the overcrowding, rape, gang violence, sadistic guards, and solitary confinement.  But other than than, what is there to be scared of?

If Pickerstein goes to Otisville, he will be locked up with about 100 guys in a low security prison.  He won’t be exposed to the kind of violence that goes on in the higher level prisons.  But that doesn’t mean that it is a walk in the park.  Inmates are always being threatened or intimidated by other inmates.  You can’t complain to the guards, or they will throw you in solitary confinement.  If you are overweight solitary confinement offers a good weight loss program.  They will feed you just enough to maintain 120 pounds.

If Pickerstein goes to Otisville he is allowed to walk in with a few items:  He can bring his Jewish religious items, such as tefillin, a prayer shawl, and a siddur.  He can also bring a list of names, addresses, telephone numbers, and email addresses.  He will need to enter them into the computer in order to correspond with people on the outside.  He will also get to make telephone calls, only ten minutes a day, but hey, ten minutes is better than nothing.  If he gets thrown in solitary, ie., the SHU, he will lose his telephone privileges.   He will get to correspond with all his prominent attorney friends who worked for the United States Department of Justice and helped get him the 30 day jail sentence after he stole over $600K from his client.

Pickerstein will not be able to bring any money into prison.  Nobody is allowed to possess money.  It’s as bad as drug possession.  Blueboyz don’t want inmates getting into fights after they rob each other.  But I have seen a few physical fights between inmates who stole cigarettes from each other.  Cigarettes cost $30 a pack on the black market.

Pickerstein doesn’t have much money to play with.  He blew the $600K that he robbed.  He used the money to pay the IRS back taxes.  What a shmuck!  He could have stashed the money away to use for jail.  Or he could have spent the money on something that would bring him enjoyment, whatever his vice may be.  Why go out robbing for the IRS in the first place? The IRS has IRS agents to do that. When was the last time you heard of a robber donating his ill begotten gains to the IRS?  It sounds like something from a Bugs Bunny cartoon:  Hey Bugsy, let’s knock off Fort Knox, we can get a bigger score for the IRS.

Pickerstein will be processed in the Medium prison and then sent over to the low level “camp.”  The blueboyz in the medium are nice guys for the most part.  Mostly high school graduates and ex-military men.  Most of them didn’t do much in the military, they sat around at an army base drinking and sleeping around with the enlisted females on the base.

The blueboyz crack a lot of jokes while they process you in the medium.  They  tease you about how your life as a successful professional White guy came crashing down.  They think it is funny that you now must spread your butt cheeks to determine if you are hiding dangerous weapons in your crack.

Pickerstein will  be given a set of used ill fitting green prison clothes to wear to the camp.  He will be told to walk along the barbed wire fence outside and go to the camp.  He will see a few blueboyz in pick up trucks with shotguns driving around.

When he reaches the perimeter of the camp he will be greeted by a few of the wiseguy inmates.  He will be taken to the inside dining area and given a place to sit.  Eventually the anger mismanagent teacher, inmate Ed Stein, will find Pickerstein, and give him a prison “orientation.”  Ed will show Pickerstein how to use the computers and the telephones.  Ed is not a bad guy, just don’t get him angry.

Being a member of the Hebrew tribe, Pickerstein will next get to meet with the powerful Jewish inmates who control the Jewish chapel room and the kosher food.  They will give Pickerstein a warm welcome and try to get to know him better.

It’s always entertaining to meet with a new inmate.  They look like a deer in headlights.  Most of the guys will try to their claws in the new guy, hoping to use him for some nefarious purpose in the camp.  But Pickerstein only has a 30 day sentence.  What possible use could anyone have for a short timer?  Plus Pickerstein is broke financially.   Many guys try to get frightened new inmates to buy them stuff on the commissary, offering “services” in exchange:Get me some chocolate bars on the commissary and I will take care of that inmate who is giving you a hard time.

Eventually Pickerstein will make his way to the prison warehouse to pick up towels, blankets, clothing, a pillow, and other items. If he gets to the camp and realizes that he is missing his pillow, fuhgetaboutit.  The Bluboyz will think he stole the pillow and is looking to get an extra pillow.  Or the blueboyz will assume another inmate stole the pillow while Pickerstein was in the bathroom.  One pillow per prisoner. Pickerstein will be forced to roll up his pants as a pillow.

At the warehouse Pickerstein will be greeted by Officer Ferrari.  Ferrari thinks he is slick.  Most of the blueboyz are full blooded rednecks, tracing their redneck family tree for centuries.  The prison parking lot for the guards looks like a pick up truck dealership.  But Ferrari drives a foreign sports car.  Nothing too exotic, but in this part of Upstate New York a Mazda is considered exotic.

Warehouse Officer Ferrari will ask Pickerstein the same question he asks all new arrivals.  “Why are you here?”  Pickerstein will be very confused. Shouldn’t the officer know why an inmate is at the warehouse?  Pickerstein will mumble that he is there to pick up clothing.  Ferrari will then ask him the question again.  Pickerstein will give the same answer.  Ferrari will then shake his head and say, “WHAT DID YOU DO TO END UP IN JAIL?”  Pickerstein will start to talk about his case, and start to provide an articulate long winded response, but Ferrari will cut him off, and say, “SO YOU ARE A CROOK?”   Pickerstein will be speechless.  Ferrari will then walk away.  Pickerstein will be completely confused and scratch his head.  Ferrari will then yell, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING, FOLLOW ME.’   I worked in the warehouse for over I year. I have seen this scene get played over a hundred times.

I would offer Pickerstein a job on my blog, but I have no money to pay him.  I will give him his own page.  If he is worried about getting beat up in prison for writing a blog about the inmates, I will offer him protection.  I will send Badboy Russell into the camp to protect him.


Greer Gets Suspicious Mortgages With Buddy Mayor DeStefano’s Bank



(May 25, 2016)

In 2014 Greer was unloading his personal assets into the hands of his non-profit entities in order to shield his personal assets from garnishment in the event Mirlis wins a big verdict against Greer in his child rape case.  In 2014 the Greer gang was also putting new properties in the names of newly created entities that had no connection to his non profit empire.  In prior years Greer kept all his properties in his non-profit entities.  In 2014 the Greer gang was conducting business differently, obviously in response to the threat of the Mirlis lawsuit.  Plus the Greer gang was taking out large mortgages on properties, basically leaving the properties with no equity.

The Greer gang created entities known as Maya Wheel LLC and Turning Wheel LLC.  In 2014 Maya Wheel, LLC purchased 25-27 Young Street for $156K and took out a $180K mortgage.  The house was appraised by the City of New Haven at $148K.  Start Community Bank lent the Greers $180K on a property that was only worth about $148K.  How did that happen?  Did Greer cash in on his relationship with former Mayor John DeStefano?  Greer and Mayor John go back many years, at times they had a rocky relationship, but Mayor John always shows up at the annual Greer fundraiser.  I have seen Mayor John at the Greer residence at parties held in the compound. DeStefano got a job as a bank executive at Start Community Bank after he finished his term as mayor of New Haven.

In 2014 the Greertook out a $180K Start Community Bank mortgage at 56-58 Pendelton Street, which was owned by a Greer entity called “Turning Wheel, LLC.”  This property was worth only $178K yet the Greers were able to borrow $180K.  On 7/21/15 Maya Wheel, LLC entered into a contract to purchase 54 Vernon Street for $123K.  But this property was never sold to Maya Wheel.  A few months later it was sold to “Congregation Khal Chasidim” a non-profit located at 1985 Cedar Bridge Avenue, Lakewood, New Jersey.  The same attorney the Greers frequently employ, did the closing on behalf of both the buyer and the seller of 54 Vernon Street.  Rabbi Greer has many connections in Lakewood, New Jersey.  Larry Noodles has not yet determined the connection between Congregation Khal Chasidim and Rabbi Greer, but will continue to investigate.

Dr. Salhanick Threatens To Sue Larry Noodles With “Every Cent from Family Members”


May 18, 2016

Larry Noodles can’t seem to catch a break. Not too long ago, Larry Noodles was threatened with legal action by Rabbi Greer’s attorney.   And now a former supporter of Rabbi Greer has threatened to sue Larry Noodles over a recent blog posting, and sent a threatening email to the Law Offices of John Williams.  Larry Noodles hired this legendary New Haven civil rights law firm to defend himself against Rabbi Greer’s attorney.  Rabbi Greer’s attorney still has not sued Larry Noodles.  The attorneys at the Law Office of John Williams are hopeful that Larry Noodles will get sued soon, either by Rabbi Greer or the Doc.  They are hoping to get paid big sums of money defending Larry Noodles. As a former practicing attorney, I know how important money is to attorneys.  Without further adieu, here is the threatening email:

Dear Attorney Merly:

Five minutes ago, I called Mr. Dressler and told him he has 24 hours to remove these references, or I will use every cent and from family members to go after him in the courts. I know defamation is a long process and difficult to prove, but it will be pursued. One does not trample on the innocent.  I ask you, as one professional to another, to bring Mr. Dressler to his senses. My oldest son, a graduate of Fordham Law School, was trained not only in the details of American Law, but in in moral principle as well. Thank you for your efforts.
Arthur I. Salhanick, Ph.D.

Larry Noodles is not sure how much money Dr. Salhanick is worth, or how much money his family is worth, but Larry Noodles would feel very bad if Dr. Salhanick and his family were forced to sell the family farm and file for bankruptcy in pursuit of a lawsuit against Larry Noodles. Larry Noodles does have a moral conscience, in spite of being accused of trampling “on the innocent.”  But one man’s loss is another man’s gain.  Some attorney out there will get “every cent” of Dr. Salhanick’s family fortune to “go after” Larry Noodles.  Larry Noodles realizes that attorneys are struggling out there, and some have resorted to desperate measures to pay their bills.  Rabbi Greer’s attorney William Gallagher stole almost two million dollars from his client’s accounts in order to pay his bills.

Larry Noodles is not sure why Dr. Salhanick mentioned that his son graduated from Fordam Law School.  Dr. Salhanick certainly can forward his son’s resume to the Law Offices of John Williams for Attorney Joseph Merly to review.  He sounds like he will make a good attorney. But he may not make it very far in the legal profession if he was trained “in moral principle.”   As a former attorney I would offer him a bit of advice: Don’t do sub prime mortgages.  That’s what got me in trouble.  Seven closings, where I made a couple of thousand dollars, got me 18 months in the clink, unlike former Federal prosecutor Pickerstein who just got 30 days for stealing $600K.  But I digress.  This blog is supposed to be about Rabbi Greer.  Dr. Salhanick has taken me way off topic with his silly lawsuit.  Dr. Salhanick should donate his family fortune to victims of rape and violence rather than pay an attorney to sue Larry Noodles.

Ex Fed Prosecutor Locked up in Devens



Former Federal prosecutor and prominent criminal defense attorney Harold James Pickerstein is officially “Inmate number 24400-014” and is locked up in the Federal prison in Devens, MA.  It is a modern facility that has a “medical center with and adjacent satellite camp.”  The camp has 127 inmates.  The main prison has about a  thousand guys locked up.

When Pickerstein was sentenced his attorney asked Federal Judge Bolden if he could be sent to Otisville.  Otisville is considered the place to go if you are a white collar criminal.  Not that it is such a great prison, it’s just that all the other prisons are much worse.  The facilities at Otisville are very old and run down.  Its like living in a temporary construction site, with one story buildings that look like tractor trailers. But it is known to offer more “freedom” to inmates than other facilities.

Otisville is never static.  Depending on the mood of the warden, or if they get a new warden, rules get changed all the time, some rules enforced more than others.  Otisville is more strict when it comes to computers and cell phones.  At other prisons guys smuggle in cell phones, and don’t get in too much trouble, or don’t get caught.  Who can blame guys for smuggling in cell phones?  The prison only allows 10 minutes of phone calls a day, and charge you twelve cents a minute.  With a cell phone you can talk as much as you want and not get charged nearly as much as a prison phone.

At sentencing Pickerstein said he had medical issues and thus should be spared incarceration.  That argument may have worked many years ago, but today you have medical and old age prisons such as Devens, which are turning into nursing homes with long prison sentences mandated by the Sentencing Guidelines.  Guys get into fights with their wheelchairs.  Even though Pickerstein asked for Otisville he got sent to Devens for his 30 day sentence.  It doesn’t matter where the Judge orders you to go, after you get sentenced you are turned over to the Bureau of Prisons, and become the property of the BOP.

It is not clear whether Pickerstein chose to go to Devens instead of Otisville because Larry Noodles has been blogging about how Pickerstein got off easy with his high placed Federal connections.  PIckerstein may have feared that the Otisville inmates will prejudge him unfavorably before he gets there.  Unlike sentencing Judge Bolden, who judged Pickerstein to be a “loving man” not the bad guy the Federal prosecutors made him out to be.

Judge Bolden said to Pickerstein at sentencing, “You may not have loved yourself as much as you should and not as much as all of the people around you do.  Martin Luther King Jr. said that before you can love others you have to love yourself.  I urge you to love yourself, you have been loving to others but now is the time to love yourself, truly love yourself.  You can also love yourself by letting all those whose lives you touched show their support for you in this time of need, let them show their love for you.  But if you need it and it does not seem to be there, ask for it and it will be there.  With that love a greater love for yourself and a willingness to let those who love you show that they love you, you’ll make it through the darkest of days…  ”  The Federal prosecutor told Judge Bolden that in a few months from now there will be a case similar to  Pickerstein’s, and Judge Bolden will have to decide whether to give the next guy 30 days for stealing $600K.  Will Judge Bolden invoke the words of Martin Luther King  Jr. to cut a poor Black man with no high placed Federal connections a break?  Time will tell.  And Larry Noodles will be there to report about it.

Larry Noodles has heard that the Head Blueboy in Charge of Otisville has banned copies of this blog from entering the camp. As a former attorney, I believe that the Federal government has engaged in illegal censorship, in violation of the First Amendment to the Constitution.  If the ACLU is reading this blog, I urge them to file a lawsuit ASAP.

All inmates are given a number and considered “Federal property” by the Department of Corrections.  Pickerstein will soon have his number memorized, because you need to type in your number every time you use the computer for emails, and when you use the telephone for your ten minutes of phone calls a day.

Judgment Liens Filed Against Greer

(May 13, 2016)   Ten days ago Rabbi Greer was sued in Federal Court by Eli Mirlis for child rape.  Attorney William Ward, speaking on behalf of Rabbi Greer, defended Rabbi Greer, and said, “It only takes a moment to make allegations with despicable indifference to the consequences of the damage they would cause to my client, his family, and his reputation that he spent a lifetime building in his community.”  Yet Attorney Ward has not filed a “notice of appearance” in Federal court, an official form that notifies the Federal Court that he has been hired as Rabbi Greer’s official attorney.  Why has William Ward not yet filed this appearance form?

As someone who practiced law for over 20 years, there is an old saying in the legal business, “No appearance until Mr. Green comes in” which means the attorney doesn’t file an appearance until he gets enough up front money for attorneys fees.  The fact that Attorney Ward has not yet filed an appearance indicates that Rabbi Greer hasn’t paid his legal bill.  I would imagine that Mr. Ward would be charging Rabbi Greer a very large sum of money to defend him in this ‘messy’ lawsuit.  My advice to attorney Ward is to get as much money up front as possible.

Rabbi Greer has a history of not paying bills.  Rabbi Greer once stiffed Yale and Hospital of St. Raphael for medical bills.  Rabbi Greer owed Yale Diagnostic Radiologists $291.00.  Rabbi Greer, who inherited most of his money, didn’t pay his radiology bill.  Rabbi Greer hails from a wealthy family from Riverside Drive on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.  Yale took Rabbi Greer to court and got a judgment against Rabbi Greer for $291.00 plus court costs.  Yale slapped a judgment lien on Rabbi Greer’s house located at 133 West Park Street, New Haven.  After three years Rabbi Greer decided to pay the Yale bill.  But the only reason he paid Yale was because he was looking to refinance his mortgage, and he couldn’t get approved for a mortgage with a hospital lien on his property.  Within a few days of paying his hospital bill Rabbi Greer got his New Haven Savings Bank mortgage.  About a year later the Hospital of St Raphael sued Rabbi Greer and his wife Sarah Greer, and got a judgment for $262.54.  The hospital put a lien on Rabbi Greer’s house at 133 West Park Street.  From my search of the land records, it appears that the bill to the Hospital of St Raphael has still not been paid off.

Ex Fed Prosecutor Gets 4 Weeks Jail for Robbing $600K

pickersetinPickerstein leaving Federal Court


bolden Judge Victor Bolden

(May 12, 2016)  Harold James Pickerstein was sentenced to 30 days in Otisville by Judge Victor Bolden after he stole $600,000.00 from a mobster he was defending.  His Federal sentencing guidelines called for about 3 years.  Pickerstein was holding millions of dollars in trust for the mobster.  After the mobster got out of jail the mobster asked Pickerstein for his money.  Pickerstein told the mobster that he was having financial problems and spent the money on back taxes and personal expenses.  If you are going to rob that kind of money why would you turn it over to the IRS to pay back taxes?  Enter into an offer and compromise, or get into a payment plan.  Or file bankruptcy.  But to go out and steal money to pay back the IRS?  How stupid is that?

Yet Pickerstein is no dummy.  He submitted numerous letters of support from former Federal prosecutors and prominent attorneys who attested to his brilliance as an attorney and to his kindness and good deeds.  He was the Mother Theresa of ex-prosecutors.  The court was jam packed with lawyers supporting him.  Standing room only.  You would think that Pickerstein was the greatest lawyer of all time.  Outside of the State of Connecticut nobody ever heard of him. The former Chief Federal prosecutor for Connecticut, tearfully pleaded with the judge to spare Pickerstein, and cried, “This is a man I love and respect!”  This former prosecutor argued that the Sentencing Guidelines were inappropriate in Pickerstein’s case. He said that the decision on whether to jail Pickerstein should not be determined by “provisions and subprovisions of a set of guidelines nor in the horizontal and vertical lines of a grid but rather on a close examination of what the defendant did, and more fundamentally, who he is…” Pickerstein is a former Federal prosecutor, that’s who he is.  Connecticut Federal magistrate judge Fitzsimmons wrote about how she worked with Pickerstein in the Federal prosecutor’s office, and observed, “Jim’s work in that case was representative of the things most important to him demonstrating compassion for victims, his integrity….”  The victim in Pickerstein’s case was a mobster.  I guess it’s ok not to have compassion for a mobster. I guess you can still have integrity when you rob from a mobster.  If Jim robbed a Federal judge or prosecutor no doubt the Feds would have given him the electric chair.  The moral of the story, it pays to have friends in high places.

The mobster met with Pickerstein and asked for his money back.  Pickerstein begged for mercy and said he had personal bills, medical expenses, and back taxes that he had to pay.  He didn’t mention to the mobster that he had just spent $8K on clothing stores in Fairfield.  The mobster was wired and taped recorded his conversation with Pinkerstein and then went to the Feds.  Usually it is the mobsters that get caught on tape.  You never hear of a case where the mobster rats out his own lawyer!

Pickerstein submitted letters from his doctors.  He has prostrate cancer. He needs more aggressive medical treatment.  He has been receiving treatment for a number of years now.  When I was in Otisville I met many guys with sentences upwards of five or ten years with medical documentation showing they had one foot in the grave.  There is a Federal prison with a top notch medical facility in Devens, MA.  Why does Pickerstein want to go to Otisville instead of Devens?   The medical care at Otisville is provided mostly by EMT’s, nurses and Physician Assistants.  If you want real medical treatment you get shipped out of Otisville and go to a hospital, or get shipped to Devens.  But you may have to wait a very long time for your paperwork to get processed and approved.  There is an Eastern European dental assistant at Otisville who is very popular with the inmates.  The running joke is that this dental assistant survived the Holocaust, not as an prisoner, but as a guard.

I have a feeling that Pinkerstein will not receive a warm welcome in Otisville from the white collar guys who stole a lot less money and got a lot more time, or from the drug dealers who are doing five to ten years.  But he is only in for 30 days.  Big deal.  He can survive for 30 days.  If he complains about anything in the prison guys will be all over him.  Its best he just grab a few books and hide out in the library for 30 days.  Nobody will even notice he was there.  There was a 78 year old billionaire in Otisville who did 2 short months. George Landegger.  Guys weren’t too happy about his short sentence.  He was caught trying to hide close to $10 million in Swiss bank accounts.  But George was a billionaire businessman wheeler dealer who knew how to make people happy when he needed to.  I don’t think Pickerstein is in the same league. Pickerstein is a guy with a sad personal story. He has financial and family problems. His son committed suicide.  But the many guys I met in Otisville had even sadder personal stories.  Yet the Federal judges in their cases, as in mine, didn’t stray far from the “horizontal  and vertical lines” of the Federal sentencing guidelines grid, and locked us up for years without much consideration for our “sob stories.”