German Borisovich Khan is not German. Nor is Khan related to Yale student Saifullah Khan, who was recently acquitted of raping a Yale undergrad. German Khan was born in Kiev, Ukraine. German Khan is one of the wealthiest Jews in Russia. Khan is worth close to ten billion dollars. Khan is a member of the Russian Jewish Congress, supports the European Jewish Fund, founded the Genesis Philanthropy Group, a Jewish nationalist organization, and is part of a group to erect a Holocaust memroial at Babi Yar in the Ukraine. I am still trying to verify whether German Khan is a member of Shabtai.
Khan’s daughter, Eva, pictured above with Khan, married a 33 year old dashing Dutchman named Alex Van Der Zween. Alex is not a Jew. Alex is as goyish as they come. Alex is pictured above next to the “LOCK EM UP!” sign. Alex used to work as a lawyer for the prestigious law firm Skadden Arps. Alex worked in their London office. He was probably earning about $200K a year and working 80 hours a week.
Alex was busted by Grand High Exalted Ruler Mueller as part of the Trump investigation. Alex did legal work for Richard Gates and Paul Manafort when they were committing tax fraud, money laundering and other shady deals with the Russians. Alex was working for Skadden Arps at the time. Gates pleaded guilty and is cooperating with the Feds. Manafort has a trial scheduled in September 2018.
Alex also pleaded guilty. Mueller made Alex an offer he couldn’t refuse. Either plead guilty to one count of lying to the FBI or go to trial and defend yourself against a dozen fibs you told the FBI. Alex decided to plead guilty to only one fib. Lying to the Feds just once exposes you to five years in jail. The Feds cut the Dutchman a break with the Federal Sentencing Guidelines. The Feds calculated that the Guideline range was between zero to six months. Alex got a slap on the wrist.
The attorneys for Alex argued in his sentencing memo that Alex shouldn’t serve a day in jail. The Feds investigated the legal work Skadden did for Manafort. Alex was working on the Manafort files. The Feds wanted to talk to the guys at Skadden, including Alex. Skadden said sure, go right ahead, we have no problem throwing our clients under the bus, and ratting out our own mothers if we have to. Skadden assigned a lawyer to represent Alex during the Mueller investigation. Alex was stupid and didn’t hire an attorney unaffiliated with Skadden. A Skadden attorney assigned to protect Alex would have a conflict of interest, as Skadden was also the subject of the investigation.
Alex didn’t cooperate with the attorney Skadden assigned to him. Alex didn’t turn over emails, phone recordings or any other evidence of his dealings with Manafort. Alex got worried that such evidence would make him look bad at Skadden, which would cause him to lose his job. In some of the emails Alex spoke about leaving Skadden and working for Manafort, which would also make him look bad at Skadden. But Alex should have been more worried about the Federal investigation by Mueller. Alex was pretty stupid for an attorney who worked for Skadden for ten years. But only in America do Federal prosecutors criminalize stupidity.
The attorneys for Alex argued that because Alex was such a good guy he shouldn’t be punished. Only bad guys go to jail, like Larry Noodles. Alex’s attorneys told the judge about his humble personal life: “Alex met the love of his life Eve Khan, who was born in Russia but is also a citizen of Israel. Despite the fact that Eve comes from a wealthy background, they live in a modest apartment purchased with the salary earned by Alex at Skadden Arps and a mortgage, and he provides for the two of them. At the time of his offense, approximately five months after their marriage, they were embarking on building their joint life together. Alex and Eve are expecting a child in August.”
Alex’s attorneys complained that Alex has been unable to leave the United States since the indictment. “Alex has no home, no family, and no way to earn a living in this country, although he has had occasional visitors and took a car trip with his wife over the Christmas holiday, his existence has been largely solitary. He lives alone in a hotel where he has no close friends. His days are empty and lonely. Moreover, in December, during Eva’s Christmas visit, Alex learned that she was pregnant. Enduring this prolonged separation, particularly during the pregnancy, has been extremely arduous for Eva. She writes: ‘it sounds silly but the flat in which we live is empty and I often sit in it alone looking at framed photos on the counter with a slight disbelief that only months ago we shared joy and happiness. I am deprived of his touch and affection, his reassuring voice and strong shoulder to lean on in my times of trouble, furthermore, with no one to speak to, I have horrible thoughts entering my head, in a time, which has to be happy for every woman.”
Alex’s wife Eva Kohn wrote a letter begging the Judge to go easy on her husband. She wrote: “I do not have many friends in London, my hometown being Moscow, Russia. Coming to London for educational purposes at 18 it was very hard to find solid and loyal friends. Young adults can be cruel and unforgiving, for example, many of my acquaintances found it alien that I got married at such a young age, and therefore judged me. However I stood tall, and never turned my back on my culture and heritage. Since our meeting, Alex was always the light of my life and helped me to socialize, his friends became my friends, but I still feel scared to share my troubles and worries, I sometimes go on for days without speaking my heart out, causing me to be almost paranoid.” The Russian daughter of a billionaire is kvetching that she was subjected to insults from schoolmates in her prestigious English art school because she got married at 22 years young? Does this make sense? Eva complains that sending her husband away to jail will cause her social life to suffer because she will be unable to make friends. Cry me a river.
Eva continues to fill her bucket of tears: “When I was getting my 12 week scans done, the ultrasound specialist asked me if my husband came with me for the revealing of the gender of the baby, and I burst into tears as all the women in the waiting room came with their partners. People constantly ask me where Alex is, and I can feel their judgment, although I know he would be with me if he could. Even though we live in the 21st century, there is still huge discrimination against women who spend their pregnancy alone, sometimes people ask me if my husband knows that I am pregnant, as you can imagine – that is very painful to hear. I have had to deal with all of this without my husband’s physical support, and needless to say I am filled with fear and dread at entering the later stages of pregnancy alone, potentially giving birth alone and having to cope with making arrangements and changes for our son to our apartment alone.” I never realized how tough life could be for the daughter of a Russian billionaire. Eva is an ROP, or Russian Oligarch Princess. Eva should start a support group for ROPs.
Eva couldn’t stop complaining to the Judge: “Alex largely supported me financially, which has now caused him and I difficulties given that he was fired from a job and career at Skadden Arps which he loved, was good at and had spent the past decade putting together, and even having his bosses at our wedding. I will always be proud of him despite this setback, and I pray that his horrible and nerve wrecking experience will not have an emotional effect on him.” Eva went to fancy shmancy English art schools, you would think she would know the difference between nerve racking and nerve wrecking.
Eva complained to the Judge about how Alex’s mother will suffer: “Alex has an elderly mother who lives in Brussels, despite his busy work schedule, Alex and I would always find time to visit her in Brussels, and to help her with money, house and garden chores, shopping and simply to keep her company. Alex recently brought a station wagon so that he could help more with moving things to and from his mother’s house, such as a lawnmower, which we bought for his mother on our last visit. We were planning on spending Christmas together this year, but due to Alex’s absence, she spent Christmas alone in Brussels. I can only imagine the pain and confusion she felt due to his absence.” Alex’s mother had to spend Christmas alone without her Russian Jewish daughter in law? A shanda!
Eva sums up her idiotic over the top monologue: “This is all to say that, his mother, as well as father, and I miss him terribly. He was the keystone of our existence and our lives are dramatically changed in his absence. I know him to be a good, law-abiding, loving and trustworthy man. I hope that all of this will not go unnoticed by you, and that he can come back to where he belongs as soon as possible.”
I have a message for Eva: Your husband is a slimy, untrustworthy lawyer who tried to get in bed with big time criminals such as Paul Manafort. Alex was not loyal to Skadden, he was looking to leave and make millions with Manafort. Alex lied to Skadden and lied to the Feds. Alex would have eventually got busted for far bigger crimes had he left Skadden and went to work for Manafort. You should be grateful he is only going to jail for 30 days instead of thirty years. You should also ask yourself why you fell in love with this Eurotrash Dutchman in the first place. Do you really believe he loved you for your artwork? He is a golden hair gold digging goy looking to cash in on your father’s mobster money. You should have married a mentch from your own tribe you schmendrick.
Alex committed numerous acts of obstruction of justice. The Feds could have easily charged Alex with at least ten counts of obstruction, carrying years of imprisonment. Instead, he was only charged with one count and got thirty days in jail. Mueller, or any other prosecutor for that matter, will never explain the method of their madness, because there is no method to their madness. It’s all about money.
The public has been convinced by the law enforcement industrial complex that excessive prosecutions serve some sort of useful purpose. The only real purpose to these prosecutions is to support an infrastructure of Federal agents, investigators, prosecutors, judges, probation officers, prison guards, and support staff with politically connected jobs. The Feds refuse to shut down the United States Post Office even though it serves no useful purpose other than issuing paychecks to thousands of federal employees and delivering Amazon packages. Let Amazon hire Uber drivers to deliver packages.
Prosecuting Alex for the crime of stupidity was a complete waste of time and resources. The only reason the Grand High Exalted Ruler Mueller put Alex’s head on a stick is because he had to show the public that he was actually doing something with the millions of dollars in taxpayer money supporting his operation.