Blogger Files Motion To Get Names of SBF Sureties

Blogger Files Motion To Get Names of SBF Sureties

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On January 3, 2023 Federal Judge Lewis Kaplan released crypo king conman Sam Bankman Fried on a $250 million bond. Nobody posted any money. SBF’s parents pledged their house in California if SBK skipped town. Two other individuals signed off on the bond. The hearing was short. When SBK walked into the courthouse he told reporters “F*ck off!”

The attorneys representing SBF filed a lengthy legal brief arguing that Judge Kaplan should seal the names of the sureties. Judge Kaplan ruled that the names would be ordered sealed to the public. The ink wasn’t even dry on SBF’s motion to seal when muckraking reporter and blogger Matthew Russell Lee, pictured above, the founder of the Inner-City Press, and persona non grata at the United Nations, where he was recently physically removed after he received a document dump from a deep throat at the UN, filed a motion to release the names to the public. The elusive Matthew Russell Lee spent two years at Harvard before dropping out and moving to New York in the mid-1980s to work with homeless people. Lee, who lives in the Bronx, got a law degree from Fordham University, and covers criminal cases in the Southern District of New York. He used to be a correspondent for the United Nations before he got permanently banned because of the document dump. Matthew Russell Lee is a serious blogger who reported from the United Nations. The United Nations would never allow Larry Noodles on their property.

SBF is being represented by Attorneys Mark S. Cohen, a former US Attorney and partner at the prestigious New York City law firm of Cohen & Gresser and Attorney Christian Everdell also a former US Attorney, and partner at Cohen & Gresser. Both are seasoned trial attorneys with extensive backgrounds in white collar crime and cyber fraud. Everdell represented Jeffrey Epstein pedophile enabler Ghislaine Maxwell.

The lead attorney for the Justice Department is far more interesting than the defense attorneys. 36-year-old Danielle Renee Sassoon graduated Harvard Undergrad and Yale Law School. Sassoon spent a summer clerking for Justice Hanan Melcer of the Israel Supreme Court, clerked for US Supreme Court Justice Scalia and interned with Alan Dershowitz.  

Sassoon was voted one of the “15 Hottest Freshman” for the Class of 2008 by the Harvard Crimson newspaper. Shortly after law school Sassoon married fellow Harvard grad and investment banker Adam Jason Katz, which was officiated by the famous Modern Orthodox Rabbi Haskel Lookstein of the wealthy KJ shul and covered by the New York Times. Lookstein converted Ivanka Trump to the Tribe, unlike US Rep George Santos, who couldn’t make the cut, he has a fear of Rabbis with little knives. It’s much less painful for a woman to convert than for a man.

Sassoon may be related to the Sassoon jeans family. If you are woke you would refer to her as “White privilege.” If you are asleep, you would say she is part of the Rothchild cabal conspiracy that shoots laser beams from Mars to control the world. Danielle’s father Salomon Sassoon is a partner at a major corporate New York City law firm and her mother is a psychologist. Sassoon and Katz live in SoHo, the highest priced neighborhood in the City, if not the world. It’s a long walk to KJ from SoHo for Shabbos services. Ivanka Trump and Danielle Sassoon must have been in the Temple Sisterhood together at KJ before Ivanka ditched NYC for Florida.

To get a job at the US Attorney’s Office in the Southern District you need more than just White privilege. A Yale or Harvard law degree alone may be enough to get you a job with the Federal Department of Agriculture but it’s not enough to land a job with the US Attorney’s Office. You need to add extra bleach to your White privilege. It helps that you clerked for a Supreme Court Justice or a Federal Judge. Not every Yalie can land one of these coveted clerkships. That’s where Yale Law Professor Tiger mom Amy Chua comes to the rescue. Yale law grads told the media that Amy was the shadchan for Yale law students and Supreme Court Justices, and that Justice Kavanaugh preferred female students who looked like “models.” Amy Chua is married to fellow Yale law professor Jed Rubenfeld. Jed was almost kicked off the faculty because he was accused of sexual harassment of female students. Instead he got a two-year suspension.

US Attorney Danielle Sassoon, in the purple sweater, during her freshman days at Harvard University
Ivanka Trump praying for the protection of the Jewish people from MAGA maniacs at the Western Wall, Jerusalem.

I expect the Harvard Crimson to take down the 2005 “15 Hottest Freshman” article as soon as this blog is published. I cut and pasted the Hottest Freshman article, posted below, in case the link gets the axe by the Justice Department. The 2005 article would be considered politically incorrect by today’s standards. Please proceed with caution before reading the article, especially if you haven’t taken your Xanax yet. The article mentions the Arthur Sackler Museum at Harvard, part of the notorious Sackler opioid family. Harvard hasn’t gotten around to renaming the museum. The Larry Noodles Museum at Harvard would sound far more prestigious.


“When Dean of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences William C. Kirby stood on a podium in Tercentary Theater and looked at the Class of 2008 last September, he said he saw before him “our newest students.” He saw “new life for Harvard.” He saw “many of the most promising minds of your generation.” When FM looks at the class of 2008, we see “our newest comp class.” We see “new life for Harvard.” We see “bodies that we should probably immediately objectify into pieces of meat and, failing that, pieces of art.” In that spirit, we present the 15 freshmen whom our painstakingly scientific research indicates are the hottest members of their class. Because it was deemed infeasible to take them all to the butcher’s shop featured on our cover—something about “tasteless” and “really gross”—we took them to the Fogg and Arthur M. Sackler museums instead. There, it was pretty clear that humans don’t just make art. They are art. Just because we don’t tend to call Greco-Roman sculpture “hot” doesn’t mean we shouldn’t call freshmen “exquisitely crafted.” What does it mean to be hot? What does it mean to be one of the 15 hottest? We have absolutely no idea, except that these eight women and seven men look a lot more like beautiful sculptures than they do cow carcasses. Funny, the things you learn at the Fogg.

Danielle R. Sassoon

Dorm: Canaday

Hometown: New York, N. Y.

Relationship Status: Single

3 Words to Describe Yourself: Independent, Impatient, Sincere

Your Hottest Trait: My eyebrows

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: My Hardtail yoga pants and Havaiana flip-flops

Ideal Significant Other: Pierce Brosnan in Thomas Crown Affair

Claim to Harvard Fame: Got Larry Summers to dance at Freshmen Study Break

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: Life here is full of awkward moments so it’s hard to choose…

Favorite Work of Art: Daphne and Apollo, Gian Lorenzo Bernini”

I looked up a few of the other 15 Hottest Harvard freshman and here were a few others who made the cut: Cuban born economist Natalia Rigol, Turkish born author Rina Onur, New Yorker environmental consultant Jessica R. Zofnass, and China born dermatologist Kristina J. Liu are pictured below.

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If you are contemplating committing a Federal crime, STOP, take a time out, think about what you are about to do, it’s not worth it! I should know, I spent 18 long months in Otisville prison, after pleading guilty to conspiracy to commit mortgage fraud as a closing attorney. The time spent in prison is only half the punishment, waiting for years to be sentenced and incarcerated takes a huge toll on your mental health, not to mention the repercussions after you get out of prison, the problems you will face finding employment and complying with the conditions of Probation. You will never appreciate your freedom until it is taken away from you. God Bless America!

6 thoughts on “Blogger Files Motion To Get Names of SBF Sureties

  1. Ivy League, Shmivy League!!!

    I do not get all worked up over those schools. When I was with the IRS I nailed some Harvard Law and Yale Law toochases to the wall (cannot divulge details), and in my subsequent solo law practice I outlitigated a Yalie lawyer who did his undergrad at Dartmouth. He has a national repute, and served as president of the county bar association. He is professional, honorable, and highly regarded. But his Yale law degree did not win the case for him.

    So I do not snap to attention and salute whenever someone holding an Ivy League sheepskin enters the room (especially now that Dear Old Dad is gone).

  2. “So, I do not snap to attention and salute whenever someone holding an Ivy League sheepskin enters the room…”

    “Someone attempted to discover Warshall’s true place for him his freshman year, when a rumor circulated that Fortune had ranked him the smartest kid in America. Warshall, perplexed, researched the claim, but didn’t find any evidence to support it. “People were taking me seriously enough to make up rumors,” he concludes.”

    be afraid. very afraid.

    Moshiach NOW!

    1. “Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven’t got: a diploma.”

      — Wizard to Dorothy, in “Wizard of Oz”

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