My sources deep within the Deep State have informed me that arrangements are being made in Otisville Federal prison camp to lock up Michael Cohen. Michael will not get any special mattress. He will have to sleep on a yoga mat that lays on top of a steel board like everyone else. Otisville inmates already know that if they mess with Cohen they will be thrown in the SHU, ie., “special housing unit” AKA solitary, and then shipped out of Otisville and sent to Fort Dix prison. The guards employ collective punishment on inmates. The Nazis used the same technique. Either give up your Jews or the whole town gets burned to the ground. In Otisville if one guy does something really bad, and doesn’t confess because nobody will rat him out, the guards proceed to shut down the gym, shut down the library, shut down the computer room, search cells (without a warrant), close the visitors room, and disconnect the telephones. You get the idea. Real punishment is when the guards take away the few “perks” you get in prison. Nobody will mess with Cohen, even if he is the biggest rat in American criminal history.
Cohen is the biggest rat ever to graduate from the Cooley Law School. Cooley is one of the least selective law schools in the entire country. Cooley was almost shut down a few times by the American Bar Association. Cooley is the butt of all jokes among lawyers. Cohen tarnished Cooley’s already tarnsihed reputation. But there are plenty of lawyers who get busted by the Feds who graduate from Ivy League schools. High powered Jewish lawyer Gordon Caplan graduated from Cornell. Caplan was recently busted for paying college consultant William Singer $75K to raise his daughter Rachel’s college entrance exam scores. Singer sang like a canary to the Feds and ratted out another Jew, ie., Caplan. Jews ratting out other Jews to Jewish US Attorneys from the Department of Injustice delays the coming of Moshiach. Cohen was a high powered lawyer at Willkie Farr and lived with the millionaires and billionaires in Greenwich Connecticut. High powered lawyers are paupers in Greenwich when compared with the old money WASPs and hedge fund robber barons like Steven A Cohen. Its called keeping up with the Goldbergs. Gordon will get to rediscover his shtetl Jewish roots when he gets locked up with Satmar Hasidim in Otisville. No more Greenwich country club for you Gordon Gekko.
Michael Cohen was originally supposed to turn himself into Otisville a few months ago. Cohen got his self surrender date delayed because he was cooperating with the Mueller investigation. Plus he was recovering from a medical procedure. Cohen has recently tried to get another reprieve from the Democrats in Congress, who are still trying to investigate Trump. So far the Democrats haven’t got back to Cohen on his request to delay summer camp in Otisville, which is set for May 6th. The Democrats don’t seem interested in keeping Cohen out of Otisville, even though he ratted out Trump. Rats get no respect by the government. The government started using rats when it was too dangerous to send in FBI agents to infiltrate a violent drug gang or the mafia. Today the Feds use rats in almost every case, even when they investigate harmless Jewish accountants, doctors and lawyers. Courts have grappled with rats for years. Rats can be easily manipulated by Federal prosecutors. Rats cannot be trusted. Courts have allowed the government to use rats based on the theory that the defense attorney has the right to cross examine the rat and expose him as a liar. Easier said than done. Rats are well prepared by prosecutors. Rats know that they can be sent to jail for years if they don’t perform for their sugar daddy Uncle Sam.
The Democrats in Congress see Cohen as useless at this point. The Mueller report has been released. There wasn’t anything in the Mueller report that referred to Cohen. Was Cohen really as important to the Trump investigation as the media, the Justice Department and Congress made him out to be?
What did Cohen do that was so terrible? Michael Cohen’s crimes were the following: lying on his tax returns, lying to get a mortgage, paying hush money to a bimbo, and lying to Congress about business dealings with Russians. Over the last couple of days Cohen has expressed his anger at the Feds. Cohen wouldn’t be lashing out at the government if Cohen was trying to curry favor with Congress and the Department of Injustice. Cohen will be checking in to Otsiville right after he finishes his last matzah, the same time of the year that I checked in to Otisville back in 2014.
Cohen recently lashed out at the Feds in an interview with Tom Arnold. Cohen called the tax fraud charges a “lie.” In a recent tweet Cohen wrote that media reports about the IRS and mortgage fraud charges were “inaccurate because they don’t understand what a 1031 exchange is.” Cohen is correct. The media doesn’t understand the charges against Cohen. The public doesn’t understand the charges. Most lawyers can’t intelligently explain what the convoluted Federal criminal statutes mean. The Feds charged Cohen with tax evasion and bank fraud related to acts committed as far back as 2012. Nobody gets charged with crimes that were committed so long ago unless they were being made into a scapegoat. I should know. I was charged with mortgage fraud related to closings I did in 2007, just before the real estate crash. I didn’t take a plea until 2013. After the market crash the Justice Department needed scapegoats. Closing attorneys were one of the prime targets. The banks were not prosecuted. If the banks were prosecuted they would have hired high powered attorneys to fight the Feds and expose the fact that Congress was responsible for authorizing the banks to adopt aggressive lending policies to high risk subprime borrowers.
The charges of bank fraud and tax evasion against Cohen were Trumped up charges. Other than that Cohen pleaded guilty to lying to Congress about communications he had with Russians and about payments made to a porn star. Whether Cohen’s statements were intentionally false or just misleading would have been an issue decided by a jury. Cohen decided to throw in the towel and plead guilty and rat out Trump rather than risk getting convicted by a jury. Cohen’s cooperation wasn’t enough to get Mueller to recommend that Trump get indicted. Had Mueller recommended that Trump get indicted, the Democrats would have went to bat for Cohen and kept him out of Otisville. Poor Cohen. Cohen told Tom Arnold: “My family’s happiness, and my law license, I lost my business…my insurance, my bank accounts, all for what? Because Trump had an affair with a porn star?” Cohen is starting to sound like a real inmate. Everyone in prison is a martyr. Cry me a river. I couldn’t bear listening to the martyrs in Otisville complain night and day. I got in far too many fights when I told them to shut the bleep up. Your Black bunkie got ten years for a few pounds of pot, what are you complaining about? Suck it up Cohen. Moshiach Now!