Chaim Deutsch Headed to Otisville

Chaim Deutsch Headed to Otisville

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Former Brooklyn councilman Chaim Deutsch will be called a microwave oven in Otisville by the other inmates. He will be in and out before his slice of pizza cooks in the microwave. Deutsch only got three months for three years of tax evasion. A rather boring crime. Only the little people go to jail for tax evasion. The billionaires get to dodge taxes and pay off politicians like Mr. Deutsch in order to avoid Otisville altogether.

Chaim was making close to $150K as a New York City councilman, not bad for a politician. On top of the $150K Chaim was making another $120K working for Chasa Management, a Brooklyn real estate management company. Chaim pushed the envelope when it came to business expenses and tax deductions. Chaim claimed so many false deductions that he managed to get a tax refund of $1,937.00 in tax year 2013, a tax refund of $262 in 2015 a tax refund of $7,511.00 in 2016, despite the fact that he earned close to $300K a year. Chutzpah! Who does he think he is anyway, Donald Trump? Jeffrey Bezos? Mark Zuckerberg? Chaim is no billionaire. Chaim is small time compared to the big boys. I wined and dined on grape juice and chicken noodle commissary with the billionaires in Otisville. There are no billionaires left in Otisville. The Feds don’t have the resources to prosecute the big boys anymore. Chaim will be sharing chicken noodle soup with the alta kockers and small time shnorrers in Otisville.

Chaim owes the Feds $107K and some change due to his tax fraud, which he hasn’t even attempted to pay. The Feds argued to Federal Judge Cott that Chaim has a steady income, equity in his house and money in his savings accounts, but yet he still won’t pay. Cott didn’t seem to care. Chaim was facing 10-12 months in Otisville under the Sentencing Guidelines. Cott only gave Chaim 3 months. Three months may be a bigger punishment than 10 months. Because of COVID19 Chaim may be stuck in solitary for three months in order to quarantine. The first three weeks in you get stuck in quarantine and the last three weeks before you get out you get stuck in quarantine. But the guards may be too lazy to let him into the camp. They may just let him languish in solitary for three months until he is ready to be released back into society.

Chaim was ordered to surrender to Otisville on October 29th. Judge Cott also ordered restitution in the amount of $107K, without a deadline on when Chaim had to come up with the cash. When Chaim is on probation he will have to start making payments. A $25 special assessment was ordered to be paid immediately by Judge Cott. I’m sure Chaim came up with the 25 bucks.

US Attorney Eli Mark argued to Judge Cott that incarceration was necessary in order to deter others: “If the justice system is to have an impact on tax evasion and help restore faith that no one – not even elected officials – are above paying their fair share of taxes, then the sentence it imposes must demonstrate the consequences for tax avoidance are significant. A nonincarceratory sentence for an elected official would substantially diminish this deterrent message.” When is the justice system going to go after the real tax cheats who don’t pay their fair share, such as Warren Buffett, Jeff Bezos, Michael Bloomberg, and Elon Musk?

Chaim submitted many letters in support of his plea for leniency. Chaim founded the Brooklyn Shomrim neighborhood watch group in 1993. Chaim must have known Jacob Daskal, who used to run Shomrim’s Brooklyn South Safety Patrol. Daskal was recently busted by the NYPD for raping a 16 year old Jewish girl. Brooklyn Jews need shomrim to watch the shomrim.

Chaim received letters of support mostly from Jewish lawyers, Jewish real estate mavens, Jewish and non-Jewish politicians and Jewish Rabbis. The cream of society. Chaim even received a letter of support from the powerful President of Agudath Israel. Chaim received a letter of support from Rev. Kevin McCall, in the fancy blue suit below, who wrote: “I am an African American Civil Rights Activist and he is a Ultra Orthodox Jew which normally doesn’t mix well. However for the community we have stood together to embrace unity. Chaim is a unique individual that has a heart to help anyone doesn’t matter religion, race, color or creed. When I first heard the news about what he is being charged with I began to pray for him & ask God to cover him & forgive him. We all have sinned in our lives & I don’t believe in kicking a man when they are down.” Rev. McCall is obviously ignorant about the tenets of Ultra Orthodox Judaism. Chaim needs to be beaten with a stick in order for him to properly do teshuva so that he can be forgiven of his sins. Ultra Orthodox Jews do not believe that faith alone in Hashem will free you of your sins. Ultra Orthodox Jews need to suffer. In fact, Ultra Orthodox Jews enjoy suffering. 3 months in Otisville will not be enough suffering for Chaim. Chaim needs to ask the BOP to let him stay in Otisville for at least 3 years.

Chaim received a letter of support from his daughter Rachelle Sauer, an Instagram sensation with 175 followers. Rachelle wrote: “On an extremely hot day while my father was fasting for a Jewish fast day known as Tisha B’Av, a whole row of buildings was left without electricity. My father asked if I wanted to come along for a quick ride to Sheepshead Bay to assess the scene. Being almost 9 months pregnant at the time, I waited for him in the car. I figured that he would be back once he checked out the extent of the damage and delegated to the appropriate companies. Instead, my father stood outside in the heat and handed out water to the residents; all while fasting. He waited for Con Edison to arrive, right beside his constituents. Only 4 hours later, once they had finally begun to restore the electricity, did he leave. This story is who my father is.” Who would want to drink Chaim’s water bottles that have been sitting in the hot sun for four hours? Why would Chaim risk his pregnant daughter getting heat stroke sitting in a hot car for four hours while he handed out warm water bottles. What a putz!

Chaim also received a letter of support from his daughter Sheva Deutsch, a Jewish day school teacher, and Twitter sensation with 165 followers. Sheva wrote: “With all the good that my dad does, he never expects nor asks for anything in return. In fact, on the day that he plead guilty, he was adamant that we do not miss work in order to appear with him for support. He did not want to be a burden to us. I had to convince him that I already took the day from work to go with him. It was only then did he agree to have me come along. He did not want to ask for help or be an inconvenience.” Sheva didn’t mention that her Jewish day school gives time off for teachers to attend arraignments, guilty pleas, sentencings and prison visits for family members.

Chaim has three other children, who didn’t submit any letters in support of their father. Who are these mystery children? They need to come forward and support their father. The Fifth Commandment in the Torah says to honor thy father and mother. These three children are violating one of the ten commandments by remaining silent while their father is shipped off to Otisville. They will suffer spiritual punishments too graphic, and frightening, to describe in this blog.

Chaim’s wife Sarah wrote a lengthy letter in support of her husband. Sarah wrote: “During the summer of the George Floyd protests, he organized a peaceful rally with Reverend Kevin McCall to stand in unity against hate. He called out a school board member who sent out an email for calling Asian Americans ‘yellows.’ It isn’t about photo ops or major disasters for Chaim. He is there for people when no one else is there to see.” According to Sarah, Chaim is not a typical politician who craves the camera. Does Sarah expect Judge Cott to believe that Chaim organized his peaceful march in secret? Are you kidding? Sarah has no seichel if she thinks she can convince Judge Cott that her husband is a saint. Chaim is about as saintly as the many saints of Newark.

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