Over the last two weeks the Goat skipped town and did not spend Shabbos in New Haven. The Goat’s criminal trial starts on Monday. The Goat will have to appear in Court on Monday or risk getting arrested for skipping bond. The Goat’s attorney Willie the Dow has repeatedly told potential jurors during jury selection that the Goat was a leader in the Jewish community in the Edgewood area where his shul is located. Willie Goat told Judge Alander that the Goat needed to have his criminal trial concluded before Rosh Hashana because he had to make substantial preparations for the High Holidays for his community. The Goat doesn’t lead a community. The Goat doesn’t lead anyone other than his wife the Ewe, who is always at his side. The Ewe dutifully appears with the Goat in criminal court, while her children and grandchildren refuse to visit her in New Haven. The Ewe would rather spend her golden shaitel years in the criminal court with her Goat rather than spend it with her children and grandchildren. I was told by one inside source that the Ewe lamented that she didn’t get to see her family when Rabbi Notis and his family briefly lived in the compound and tried to start a new child rape center for the Goat. Notis had a hard time retaining students in the compound. Notis couldn’t attract any families to move into the compound. After living under the brutal dictatorship of the Goat for a year Notis decided to leave the compound. Notis packed up and moved to Lancaster, PA, where he is trying to build a new Jewish community with the help of the locals.
The Goat could conceivably skip town during his trial and leave the State of Connecticut and hide out among ten million people in New York City. Nobody would find the Goat. The Goat would not make it on the FBIs most wanted posters. The Goat has nothing to lose. The Goat has no family or friends in New Haven. The only thing waiting for the Goat in Connecticut is three hots and a cot, ie., life in prison.
The Goat’s criminal file indicates that he gave up his passport. The Goat may have obtained a duplicate American passport. Or the Goat may have an Israeli or French passport. The Goat’s mother was French. The Goat lived in Israel for a few years. The Goat could easily drive over the Canadian border and grab a flight to Israel or France. I don’t think the State of Connecticut has the resources to track down an old Goat living on a cliff somewhere in Israel.
The best time for the Goat to skip town would be as soon as the jury is sent into the jury room to deliberate. The Goat could hop in his fully packed minivan, with hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash, and make a run for it to the New York border. The Goat would hit the border in about one hour. If the Goat is acquitted he could return to Connecticut and restart his child rape school. If the Goat is found guilty he could spend the night in a New York motel as Daniel Green, the alias he used when he checked in to the Branford Motel with Avi Hack and Eli Mirlis. The Goat could head out to the Canadian border the next morning. Or the Goat could live in New York City for the remainder of his life. The Goat is 79 years old. In goat years the Goat is 179 years old. The Goat could rent out an apartment in any one of the five boroughs and nobody would even notice him. The Goat is a terrible driver so he should stick with the subways. The Goat cannot afford to get pulled over by the cops for drinking and driving. The Goat could disappear in one of New York Cities many ethnic communities in Queens, Brooklyn or Upper Manhattan. The Goat could even bring his Ewe with him. The Goat is no fool. The Goat graduated from Yale Law School. The Ewe would be stupid to aid and abet in the Goat’s great escape. The Ewe would be charged with harboring a convicted farm animal.
The Goat is not going to let himself be led away in handcuffs and detained in a jail cell in the courthouse basement until he posts an appeal bond. You know the Goat will hire top lawyers to file an appeal if he is convicted. The Goat will never allow correctional officers to force him to wear prison clothing that hasn’t been checked for shaatnez, ie., material made of a mixture of wool and linen.
The Goat’s trial is set to begin on Monday morning at 235 Church Street, New Haven, CT, Courtroom 4B. Download the following docs for a preview of the testimony expected at the trial:
We’re marching on, from the Criminal Court at 235 Church Street, New Haven, on to a conviction without a reasonable doubt, to the outer edges of the flat earth, we’re marching bitterly, goat cliff after goat cliff we are conquering! Yechi Noodles! Moshiach Now!
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