Feds Conduct Psych Exam on Larry’s Noodle

Feds Conduct Psych Exam on Larry’s Noodle

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Against the advice of my attorneys, and against the advice of my personal life coach Dr. Skee Watintotin, I have decided to post a copy of the psychological test the Feds recently conducted on me since they have been trying to shut down my blog.  I am not sure if I passed the test.  The Feds are still grading it.  My answers are written on the test, as you will see.  It took the State of Connecticut about 6 months to grade the bar exam, which I passed on the first try, unlike Federal United States Attorney John F. Kennedy Jr., who failed it two times.  The Federal mafia would never hire a guy like me even if I got a perfect score on the bar exam, but if my last name was Kennedy, or Clinton for that matter…

The Feds have never been able to attract employees of high intelligence.  Look at that test I had to take.  My pet cat could have devised a better test.  My Jewish friends in the medical field have reviewed this test and have concluded that I am mentally unstable and should be locked up in a mental institution.  The Feds are not as smart as my Jewish psych friends, so they will never reach this conclusion.

The Feds are too cheap to hire a top quality Jewish psychiatrist.  The psychologist at the prison complex where I lived was a young Christian female soldier named Dr. Bow.  Dr. Bow used to drive into our prison complex in rural New York in a fancy BMW.  She obviously wasn’t a local, unlike the boys in blue who parked their Ford F-150 pick up trucks next to her BMW.   “Don’t scratch my Beemer boyz!”   The boys in blue were diehard Trump supporters, while the shrink wore a Clinton cap.  The boys in blue grumbled about how this high class broad in a BMW was making ten times as much money as them, while all she did was sit with inmates for ten minutes and ask if you were suicidal.  Everyone in the prison knows that if you tell anyone that you are suicidal you are going to get a one way ticket to solitary confinement.  If you were not suicidal before you went into solitary, a few weeks in solitary will make you suicidal.

Some of the questions I found to be particularly difficult to answer on my psych exam, and which I found to be blatantly racist, were the following:

I am afraid of losing my mind      Yes / No

Strange odors, for which there is no explanation, come to me for no apparent reason    Yes / No

When on the streets I believed I could use drugs and avoid the negative consequences that I observed in others    Yes  / No

When frustrated I will throw rational thought to the wind with such statements as “screw it” or “the hell with it.”    Yes / No

There have been times when I felt entitled to break the law in order to pay for a vacation, a new car or expensive clothing    Yes / No

A significant portion of my life on the streets was spent trying to control people and situations.   Yes  /  No

I still find myself saying, “the hell with working a regular job, I’ll just take it.”     Yes / No

I have justified selling drugs, burglarizing homes and robbing banks by telling myself that if I didn’t do it someone else would.   Yes  / No

Despite the criminal life I have led, deep down I am basically a good person   Yes / No

When its all said and done, society owes me   Yes / No

I have said it to myself more than once, if it wasn’t for someone “snitching” on me I would have never gotten caught   Yes / No

On the streets I would tell myself that I needed to rob and steal in order to continue the life I had coming   Yes / No

Nobody tells me what to do, and if they do I will respond with intimidation, threats, or I might even get physically aggressive   Yes / No

Most of the questions on the exam speak the language of inner city street criminals, dare I say African Americans.  Professional White mortgage fraud criminals, like myself, don’t use such lingo.  The Feds need to devise a test more appropriate for criminals of all races.  I would suggest these types of questions:

When I was in the board room / the projects, cooking the books / cooking crack, I was not thinking about the stockholders / drug addicts   Yes / No

A significant part of my life in the suburbs /  hood was spent was spent playing golf / playing with ho’s   Yes / No

I have felt justified selling worthless penny stocks / diluted crack cocaine, on the grounds that my victims were rich  /  crackers   Yes / No






4 thoughts on “Feds Conduct Psych Exam on Larry’s Noodle

  1. bsd

    Noodles, how did you answer this one: There have been times when I felt entitled to break the law in order to pay for a vacation, a new car or expensive clothing Yes / No

    Moshiach NOW!

  2. you should have had the deltas steal the test for you.

    fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son

  3. Larry Noodles may have uncovered an even larger conspiracy here than the Military-Industrial Complex taking out JFK.

    It’s probably no coincidence that Larry Noodles mentions John John, aka JFK Jr.

    When John John fatally crashed into the ocean before reaching Martha’s Vineyard, he was off the coast of Rhode Island, a favorite hoof-stomping ground of the Goat.

    How do we know that the Goat wasn’t standing on the shore, aiming a laser pointer & cranking out high pitched goat grunts to bring down John John’s Piper Saratoga airplane?


    The Goat was rumored to be raising one of his self-righteous fusses that the inaugural front cover of John John’s George Magazine was immodest.

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