High profile Otisville inmate Rabbi Mendel Epstein, AKA “The Prod-Father,” donning the black hat above, just filed an emergency motion today to break out of Otisville due to the cornavirus, or “koronavirus” as Epstein spelled it in his hand written request to the Warden. You get more respect in the Haradi world when you pretend you are completely illiterate in the ways of the goyisha world. I don’t think Epstein impressed fellow Jewish inmates when he mispelt the word “koronavirus.” If 74 year old Mendel Epstein is capable of spelling the word”compassionate” why can’t he spell “coronavirus?” Compassionate is a much bigger word than coronavirus.
Mendel Epstein and fellow Otisville inmate Jay Goldstein were part of the small gang of Jews who employed cattle prods on the betzim of Jewish husbands who refused to sign a bill of divorce. Rabbi Mordechai Wolmark was the ringleader of the gang. Wolmark was released two years ago. Wolmark’s uncle Rav Binyomin Tzvi Wolmark passed away yesterday from the coronavirus. Binyomin Tzvi was one of a few Jews who managed to escape to Shanghai, China, at the beginning of World War II, and then make it to America after the war, where he learned in Lakewood under Rav Aaron Kotler. Unfortunately he did not develop a resistance to the coronavirus while he lived in China.
Rabbi Mendel Epstein was the muscle behind the Wolmark gang. The Wolmark gang was paid big bucks by the families of chained wives to kidnap recalcitrant husbands and use primitive torture methods on stubborn religious Jewish men. These primates knew nothing about high tech torture methods like water boarding, unlike the Federal mafia. Epstein’s lawyer asked New Jersey Federal Judge Freda Wofson to let his client go on the grounds that Epstein suffers from hypertension, coronary artery disease, multiple bypass surgeries, diabetes, renal impairment, and obesity. Epstein’s lawyer submitted copies of his medical records. Epstein submitted a lengthy medical review and affidavit signed by religious Jewish cardiologist and YU graduate Dr. Robert Goldstein, of Lake Health, who stated that Epstein suffers from a lobular exophytic mass on the upper pole of his left kidney. That doesn’t sound good, whatever it is. Dr. Goldstein concluded that if Epstein catches the coronavirus in Otisville there is a “good possibility that he will suffer death.” Those odds don’t sound too good. It sounds like there is also a good possibility that Epstein will survive the coronavirus. Goldstein should have used stronger language such as, “there is a 99.9% chance that Epstein will suffer an agonizing death if he catches the coronavirus, HIV, the flu, herpes, hay fever, allergies or a mild cold. I’m sure inmate Marcus Efrosman is taking bets on whether Epstein suffers from death if he catches the cold. Marcus is probably also taking bets on which geriatric inmate is going to get his emergency motion granted and get sent home to be quarantined with his wife. I don’t know which is worse for these guys, being quarantined with the guys in Otisville or being locked up with their wives 24/7. Haradi men are accustomed to being locked up in shul all day with other learned men, they don’t spend much time with their unlearned wives. Their wives are only useful in the kitchen and in the bedroom. At this point they are too old to make babies. What are they going to do all day locked up with their wives?
Judge Freda Wolfson denied Epstein’s emergency motion for release after the Feds objected. I guess Judge Wolfson wasn’t impressed with Epstein’s lobular exophytic mass on the upper pole of his left kidney. I was impressed. Wolfson gave Epstein the right to refile his motion once he exhausted his administrative remedies before the Bureau of Prisons. He needs to file more paperwork with the Warden. Wolfson wouldn’t cut him a break. Poor Epstein. What does it take to get out of Otisville? “There is a 99.9 percent certainty that if Epstein catches the coronavirus he will be released from Otsiville in a body bag.” Dr. Noodles. Chas v’sholam!
High class Jewish Otisville inmate 75 year old Morris Zukerman, pictured in the middle, was just granted early release by Federal Judge Analisa Torres of the Southern District of New York. Zukerman convinced Judge Torres that his diabetes, hypertension, sleep apnea, and obesity earned him the right to freedom. Zukerman’s attorney argued that Zukerman “faces a substantial risk of suffering a severe form of the disease or even death” if he catches coronavirus. The attorney submitted a short letter signed by Dr. Timothy Dutta of Manhattan. Zukerman’s attorney is just as stupid as Epstein’s attorney. Zukerman’s attorney should have argued that if Zukerman remained in Otisville there was a 99.9% certainty that he will suffer a slow, painful and agonizing death, with blood oozing out of his eyeballs. Zukerman was a big time New York financier, philanthropist and socialite, a big contributor to the New York arts scene, having served on the Boards of the the Metropolitan opera, the Metropolitan Museum of Art and other prominent organizations. Zukerman graduated from Andover Prep School, Harvard College, Cambridge University, Harvard Business School and was a fellow at the King’s College in England. Zukerman has a very expensive art collection hanging in his Upper East Side Manhattan co-op. Zukerman is a refined, cultured, Jew. Zukerman doesn’t hang around Yeshivas shnorring on free shmaltz herring during kiddush, unlike the ilk Rabbi Epstein hangs with.
Zukerman did stints at the World Bank as well as the Office of Budget Management in Washington DC, and was a top investment banker at Morgan Stanley. Two of Zuckerman’s kids graduated from Harvard University, where Zukerman was a big donor. Zukerman’s other kid graduated from the London School of Economics. Zukerman’s fine pedigree belied the fact that he is nothing but a lowlife, sleeze bag career criminal. It took a long time for the Feds to catch up to this morally bankrupt sick man. For many years Zukerman committed massive, and complex, tax fraud involving numerous corporations, shell companies, family trusts, and off shore companies. Zukerman even stiffed the tax man on $50 million of Old Masters paintings he purchased. Zukerman even committed low level tax scams. Zukerman had five cars garaged at his co-op in Manhattan yet told his car insurance company that the cars were garaged at his country home in Westchester in order to get lower insurance rates. Zukerman paid his Spanish housekeeper, whom he helped get citizenship, cash for almost twenty years. Zukerman also paid the housekeeper’s nephew cash to walk his dog at his country home in Maine. Zukerman’s defense was that the cash payments were non taxable “gifts.” Talk about chutzpah! Zukerman paid a European company $645K for diamond earings he purchased for his wife. His wife lived in New York City. Zukerman had the jeweler invoice one of Zukerman’s New Jersey companies in order to avoid New York sales tax of $57K. If you have $645K to piss away on diamond earings you shouldn’t stiff the government for sales taxes. Only the little people pay taxes! What a miserly, cheap, elitist putz! Zukerman used the same scheme to buy millions in Old Master’s paintings. Double putz! There is nothing certain in life but death and taxes. Zukerman has avoided paying taxes his entire life, but will Zukerman avoid death? Tune in to this blog to find out…
Otsiville bankruptcy king lawyer Peter Ressler is 72 years old and has filed emergency motions with Connecticut Judge Covello to get out early. Covello previously shot down his motions to get out early in order to care for his disabled wife and complete his tooth implant surgery. Ressler’s lawyer argued that Ressler suffers from a heart condition known as “bundle branch syndrome” which he says was diagnosed in Otisville. This doesn’t sound right. Otisville prison doctors don’t have fancy medical equipment to make such a diagnose. Otisville doctors are only capable of taking your pulse, taking your blood pressure and taking your temperature. Anything else would be highly specialized care that Otisville is not equipped for. Peter’s motion is on hold until the Government files its response. The US Attorneys in Connecticut will probably object to Peter’s motion. Cut Peter a break, let the man go already, he is no longer a danger to society. He is only a danger to his dentist.
72 year old New York politician Dean Skelos, pictured above, the token geriatric goy in Otisville, is also trying to get out early based on his health issues. Dean’s lawyers argued that Dean suffers from hypercholesterolemia, prediabetes mellitus, low testosterone levels, depression, anxiety and insomnia. Dean is taking escitalopram, alprazolam, Ambien, and Vytorin for his condition. Dean’s condition sounds worse than the coronavirus. Dean’s doctor concluded that Dean incarceration creates “a potentially very dangerous place to be being elderly and with a disease such as prediabetes which impairs one’s ability to fight a disease such as COVID-19.” Dean’s lawyer is dumber than the lawyers for Epstein and Zukerman combined. Dean’s lawyer didn’t mention death in any of the motions he filed with Judge Kimba Wood of the Southern District of New York. Dean’s lawyer is named G. Robert Gage, Jr. Dean should have hired a sharp Jew lawyer who would have employed more frightening medical terminology.
Long time inmate and credit card scammer Daniel Greenberg was finally released from Otisville to home confinement. I report goods news all the time, in spite of what people say about me. Danny was supposed to go to a halfway house, but all the halfway houses are closed. The BOP was nice enough to let him out early and no longer let him suffer on the geriatric ward with Ressler, Skelos, Epstein, Reichberg, Goldstein, Rosenberg, Efrosman, Abrahamson, and the rest. I was locked up with Danny Greenberg. Danny will be living with his parents after he gets out. His elderly parents used to visit him religiously every week, and smuggle great food to him every week, they were saints, compared to their son, who was the Devil. I take that back. Danny had his moments just like everyone else. Except Danny’s moments tended to be on the extreme side. Good luck Danny.
High profile inmate William McFarland, the Fyre Festival scam artist, was kicked out of Otisville a year ago and was sent to Elkton, where still sits. Martin Shkreli, the Pharma Bro, who marked up drugs 500% after he purchased the company, is still locked up in Allenwood low, where is under 24 hour guard. I heard he doesn’t take showers for whatever reason. Wild man Richard Luthmann is still sitting in Allenwood Low. He must be in the SHU, he is menace to society.
Tune in for more news from the inside, and the outside…
This has been a Larry Noodles production…
The opinions expressed in this blog are solely the opinions of Larry Noodles. These opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions or views of Lawrence Dressler, Donald Trump, Anthony Fauci or Joey Buttafuoco. If you have been offended by anything that has been written in this blog, you need to file a formal complaint with Hashem. Moshiach Now!
Rav Ula once said, “if you did something evil, making you a little wicked, you should not do more evil and become very wicked, just as one who got bad breath from eating garlic should not then continue to eat garlic and make his breath worse.” Shabbos 31
Rav Abele, the famous dayan of Vilna, as a seven-year-old, was once ill and in bed. The doctor saw that his mouth was full of blisters. Turning to the boy’s parents, the doctor explained that if the tongue isn’t clean, it’s a sure sign of a malfunctioning stomach. “Is there anyone who can truly say his mouth is clean?” retorted the sick child. “Chazal tell us in the gemara Bava Basra that most people are guilty of theft and everyone of loshon hora!“
“The hand of G-d lay heavy upon the he-goats, the crooks, the politicians, and the infidels, and He wrought havoc among them: He struck them with hemorrhoids.” I Samuel 5-6
“If the Kohen gadol sins, bringing guilt to the people, then he shall bring for his sin which he has committed, an unblemished young bull as a sin offering to the Lord.” Leviticus 4:3. “If your Rabbi sins and tells you to daven outside 770 waving a yellow flag during a pandemic, then you shall barbecue a rib eye steak and bring it to Larry Noodles as a sin offering.” Noodles 4:13.
“It is better to be cursed by the Prophet Achiya ha’Shiloni, and repeatedly cursed out by Larry Noodles, than to be blessed by Bil’am.” Taanit 20.
PLEASE HELP NOW! If you wish to help the Larry Noodles website defray the costs of court documents, transcripts, depositions, investigations & research, and make a tax deductible contribution to this non profit organization: First Amendment Watchdogs Incorporated, 516 Ellsworth Ave, New Haven, CT 06511. EIN number 83-0873639. Or go to this link and make a donation with your credit card or PAYPAL: DONATE
If you have been the victim of government prosecution and / or persecution, and have been commanded to surrender to a correctional institution, and are in need of advice, counseling, contacts, and information please contact me, everything will be kept strictly confidential: firstname.lastname@example.org or give me a call at 2037108137
If you have news tips from the inside, or the outside, please forward to email@example.com, ALL information, including you name will be kept strictly confidential.