Robert Landino, Greer Honoree
June 7, 2016
Every year Rabbi Greer hosts a fundraising event in New Haven. Each year the event is held at a different location within the storied halls of Greer’s Alma Mater Yale University. This year was not to be any different than previous years. Invitations went out for the dinner. The dinner was to be held at Yale Law School today at 6 PM.
Larry Noodles went to the Yale Law School this afternoon to determine whether the Greer event was still being held. Larry Noodles wore a baseball hat and went undercover and asked the security guards at the front desk whether any events were going on at the Yale Law School. The security guards did not recognize Larry Noodles. The security guards shook their heads and said no events were scheduled for this evening. Larry Noodles conducted a further investigation and determined the following: the unofficial press release from the Greer compound is that the event has been postponed. No details were provided as to when the event is to be rescheduled. Larry Noodles will keep readers fully updated when he receives further information.
Robert Landino, of Centerplan Development, was supposed to be the honored guest at the fundraising gathering. In the past, many politicians would show up to pay their respects to Rabbi Greer, including Senator Richard Blumenthal, Governor Dan Malloy, Mayor John DeStefano, Representatives and Senators from the Connecticut State Capital such as Pat Dillon and Martin Looney. New Haven police chief Esserman, the New Haven Probate judge, business leaders, representatives from utility companies, high ranking officials from Yale New Haven Hospital, military contractors, and prominent lawyers would also appear to show their respects.
Rabbi Greer would usually be seen sipping straight Scotch at the fundraiser. The Mirlis lawsuit alleged that Greer got Mirlis drunk on alcohol before he raped him. In the Michael Jackson trial the singer was accused of giving young boys wine, which he called “Jesus juice,” before he raped them. Bill Cosby was accused to giving women quaaludes to knock them out before he raped them. Greer mostly drank high quality red wine. But during the fundraising dinner he drank straight Scotch. He usually got loud and drunk and by the end of the night be in the corner bellowing with one of his old buddies.
Rabbi Avi Hack gave most of the speeches at the event. Avi Hack would spend considerable time making a poster for the honoree, which included many poor puns mocking the business of the honoree. One year the honoree was the owner of Star Tire. Avi Hack would honor this man with bad tire jokes. The audience would tire of the tire jokes. Another year the honoree was the owner of Dattco Bus company. Avi Hack would make up a long list of non-stop bus jokes. You get the idea. By the end of the “honor” the honoree wasn’t sure whether he was just honored or dishonored.
Larry Noodles has been told by reliable sources that after Rabbi Greer’s two disloyal, traitorous, sons abandoned him a number of weeks ago, they failed to provide Rabbi Greer with instructions on how to work the lighting systems, heating systems, and electronic timers at the Greer synagogue. Larry Noodles has been advised that over the last several Shabbosim, the Greer minyan has been forced to pray in the dark after the lights suddenly shut off. At other times the minyan has been forced to pray in extremely cold temperatures because Rabbi Greer does not know how to operate the air conditioning system. The minyan has even had to leave the synagogue and pray in the hall where there is better lighting.