Huge Secret Satmar Wedding Tonight In Monroe, NY

Huge Secret Satmar Wedding Tonight In Monroe, NY

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A huge Satmar wedding expected to draw ten thousand Satmar Hasidim in Brooklyn was scaled down to a virtual wedding back in October after Governor Mario Cuomo was informed about it. Cuomo reached out to the Hasidic voters who put him in office and they agreed to scale it down. In order to avoid another boring virtual wedding the Satmars held a secret wedding on November 7th in Williamsburg which attracted thousands of Hasidim. Governor Cuomo just found out about this secret maskless wedding. At a press conference yesterday Cuomo said that the secret wedding was “disrespectful” and a “violation of the law.”

Last night I received a wedding invitation for a giant secret, maskless wedding to be held tonight in Monroe, New York on Garfield Road in Kiryas Yoel, a township run by the Satmar Hasidim. I was honored to receive a wedding invitation joining two prominent Satmar families. The wedding is being held on land owned by Sholom Weiss, a financial fraudster and money launderer who is doing 835 in the Otisville medium. His original sentence was 845 years but he appealed it and got ten years knocked off. I never met Weiss when I was locked up in Otisville. The camp criminals were not allowed to fraternize with the real criminals in the medium.

The wedding invitation I received states the following: “I would like to invite our family, friends and followers to the wedding of my grandchild the great scholar the groom who is filled with Torah and mitzvos, and full of the fear of G-d Rabbi Levi Yitzchak, should he live a long life, the son of my son in law of the Great Rabbi Aharon Shimon Taub, the Kalover Rebbe in Boro Park, the son of the holy Grand Rebbe of Kalov, may he live a long life and the son in law of the Holy Grand Rebbe of Zichron Meyer in Bnai Brak to the respected, and tznius bride Henny Zisel, the daughter of Rabbi Shimon Zel Meizlisch, the Rabbi of Yismach Moshe in Kiryas Yoel, the son of the great Rebbe of Seagate.”

I am hesitant to RSVP as I have yet to find a ride to Monroe, New York. Apparently there are no subways that run from Brooklyn to Monroe. Plus I don’t have a streimel. You need not wear a mask to this wedding but streimels are required. If you don’t wear a streimel the Satmar police will lock you up and water board you in the mikveh. If you have an extra streimel that I could borrow and would like to drive me to Monroe tonight in order to join in the maskless festivities please RSVP Larry Noodles ASAP. I would hate to miss this simcha filled with holiness, joyousness and germiness. Is germiness a word? Ay gevalt!


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3 thoughts on “Huge Secret Satmar Wedding Tonight In Monroe, NY

  1. As a shines that follows your blogs faithfully and tells my large Irish Catholic clan to follow and read your blogs! Mazel Tov to the marriage of two esteemed families! The toddler on the roof in Monroe will be dancing and fiddling for joy! Thank you for your insightful and riotous blogs! You have done your good deed for the day!

    1. at times it is a comedy, at other times it is REAL news, but NEVER fake news, it is up to the reader to determine what is fact and what is satire, fiction, or the random ramblings of a lunatic who is in need of intense psychiatric therapy.

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