A huge Satmar wedding expected to draw ten thousand Satmar Hasidim in Brooklyn was scaled down to a virtual wedding back in October after Governor Mario Cuomo was informed about it. Cuomo reached out to the Hasidic voters who put him in office and they agreed to scale it down. In order to avoid another boring virtual wedding the Satmars held a secret wedding on November 7th in Williamsburg which attracted thousands of Hasidim. Governor Cuomo just found out about this secret maskless wedding. At a press conference yesterday Cuomo said that the secret wedding was “disrespectful” and a “violation of the law.”
Last night I received a wedding invitation for a giant secret, maskless wedding to be held tonight in Monroe, New York on Garfield Road in Kiryas Yoel, a township run by the Satmar Hasidim. I was honored to receive a wedding invitation joining two prominent Satmar families. The wedding is being held on land owned by Sholom Weiss, a financial fraudster and money launderer who is doing 835 in the Otisville medium. His original sentence was 845 years but he appealed it and got ten years knocked off. I never met Weiss when I was locked up in Otisville. The camp criminals were not allowed to fraternize with the real criminals in the medium.
The wedding invitation I received states the following: “I would like to invite our family, friends and followers to the wedding of my grandchild the great scholar the groom who is filled with Torah and mitzvos, and full of the fear of G-d Rabbi Levi Yitzchak, should he live a long life, the son of my son in law of the Great Rabbi Aharon Shimon Taub, the Kalover Rebbe in Boro Park, the son of the holy Grand Rebbe of Kalov, may he live a long life and the son in law of the Holy Grand Rebbe of Zichron Meyer in Bnai Brak to the respected, and tznius bride Henny Zisel, the daughter of Rabbi Shimon Zel Meizlisch, the Rabbi of Yismach Moshe in Kiryas Yoel, the son of the great Rebbe of Seagate.”
I am hesitant to RSVP as I have yet to find a ride to Monroe, New York. Apparently there are no subways that run from Brooklyn to Monroe. Plus I don’t have a streimel. You need not wear a mask to this wedding but streimels are required. If you don’t wear a streimel the Satmar police will lock you up and water board you in the mikveh. If you have an extra streimel that I could borrow and would like to drive me to Monroe tonight in order to join in the maskless festivities please RSVP Larry Noodles ASAP. I would hate to miss this simcha filled with holiness, joyousness and germiness. Is germiness a word? Ay gevalt!
The opinions expressed in this blog are solely the opinions of Larry Noodles and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or views of Lawrence Dressler, Donald Trump, Obama or Tom Brady, . If you have been offended by anything that has been written in this blog I would suggest that you file a complaint, in triplicate, with HASHEM.
“The hand of G-d lay heavy upon the he-goats, the crooks, the politicians, the goats and the infidels, and He wrought havoc among them: He struck them with hemorrhoids.” I Samuel 5-6
“It is better to be cursed by the Prophet Achiya ha’Shiloni, and repeatedly cursed out by Larry Noodles, than to be blessed by Bil’am.” Taanit 20.
PLEASE HELP NOW! If you wish to help the Larry Noodles website defray the costs of court documents, transcripts, depositions, investigations & research, and make a tax deductible contribution to a non profit organization that works to help bloggers like Larry Noodles protect themselves against bullies like Daniel Greer, and the Department of Injustice, please donate your hard earned dollars, shekels, and dinars to this organization: First Amendment Watchdogs Incorporated, 516 Ellsworth Ave, New Haven, CT 06511. EIN number 83-0873639
If you have been the victim of government prosecution and / or persecution, and have been commanded to surrender to a correctional institution, and are in need of advice, counseling, a toothbrush, and information please contact me, everything will be kept strictly confidential: firstname.lastname@example.org or give me a call at 2037108137
If you have news tips from the inside, or the outside, please forward to email@example.com, ALL information, including you name will be kept strictly confidential.