Inmates Blame Michael Cohen For Furlough Reversal

Inmates Blame Michael Cohen For Furlough Reversal

There are 63 inmates trying to get out of the Otisville prison camp because of COVID19. The population hasn’t changed much since I checked out of Otisville. Most of the guys are either religious Jews, Russian Jews, or Black or Hispanic drug dealers.

When COVID19 first broke the Otisville camp had a “town hall meeting.” A town hall meeting is held in the dining area. The dining area has 72 chairs attached to tables for 118 inmates. A new inmate who does not have a reserved seats has to eat outside or in his cubicle. Eating in your cubicle is against the rules. All inmates are required to attend the town hall meeting. The camp administrator and the warden conduct the meeting. It is usually held in order to provide information about new rules. It is also a way for the officers to warn inmates about illegal behavior going on at the camp. Shape up or ship out. When COVID19 broke the medical director of the camp, ie., Dr. Linley, attended the town hall meeting and told the inmates that everyone was likely to be infected with coronavirus. She basically told the inmates, and the guards to start writing their wills.

Three weeks ago the campers were moved to a separate unit in the main correctional facility, ie., the medium, for a two-week quarantine period – all in anticipation of being furloughed. Guys signed furlough paperwork and told their wives and to pick them up on May 1, 2020. During the quarantine inmates were confined to their cells 24/7. Inmates were allowed to leave their cells twice a week for fifteen minutes to shower and five minutes to call family members. For over two weeks inmates got no change of clothes, no soap, no tissues, and no access to cleaning or sanitation products, and no access to mail. Correctional officers complained that they were being badgered with calls from lawyers and family members.

Correctional officers and inmates have a love-hate relationship. Correctional officers feel that they are locked up just like the inmates. Inmates resent the correctional officers because they get to go home every night. The correctional officers envy the inmates because every inmate eventually gets released while correctional officers are locked up until retirement. Inmates and correctional officers get so bored they end up talking to each other and gossiping about the other guards and other inmates. It can be a soap opera at times.

After the two-week quarantine period ended the campers remained in the main prison for an additional five days. They were told that they would be returning to the camp and would NOT be furloughed because a “high profile” inmate had come to the attention of the press, causing the Bureau of Prisons to renege on the furloughs. When the inmates returned to the camp the facilities were not cleaned or fumigated. Dirty linens were still at the camp. You can’t expect the guards to clean up after inmates infected with the plague. New inmates got admitted into the camp without any quarantine measures or testing beyond temperatures checked.

The inmates are blaming Michael Cohen for their predicament. Michael Cohen was getting too much attention from high profile members of the media, to the consternation of Donald Trump. People reviled by Donald Trump used a local heliport to fly in and see Michael Cohen. Michael Cohen got regular visits from MSNBC host, and Trump nemesis Donny Jay Deutsch. Deutsch hosted political shows that were critical of Trump and the right wing media. Deutsch also dated Trump’s ex-wife Marla Maples. Trump tweet attacked Deutsch: “So funny to watch Little Donny Deutsch on TV with his own failing show. When I did The Apprentice, Donny would call me and BEG to be on that VERY successful show. He had the TV ‘bug’ & I would let him come on though he had very little TV talent.”

Prominent writer Emily Nussman of the New Yorker was a frequent visitor to Otisville. Nussman has repeatedly attacked Trump in the pages of the New Yorker: “The Big Lie is a propaganda technique: state false facts so outlandish that they must be true, because who would make up something so crazy?” Trump attack dog Rosie O’Donnell met with Cohen a number of times in Otisville. So did Cohen’s ghost writer. Cohen is writing a book with O’Donnell about Trump’s dirty secrets.

Former White House Press Secretary under Donald Trump, Sean Spicer (son of Kathryn Grossman), was a frequent visitor of Cohen before the pandemic. Spicer resigned after Trump appointed Anthony Scaramucci as the new communications director, which Spicer was against. Scaramucci only lasted ten days with Trump. Spicer was recently appointed to the President’s Commission on White House Fellowships. It doesn’t appear to be any ill will between Spicer and Trump. Why would Spicer visit Cohen in Otisville? The answer to this question is beyond my pay grade. One inmate told me that Spicer had a bad hangover when he came to visit Cohen. FACT CHECK / CORRECTION: It was Scaramucci who visited Cohen in Otisville, the Mooch, not the Spice Boy. It was the Mooch who had the hangover, not the Spice Boy. The Mooch recently said of Trump: “He is a full-blown demagogue It is literally like Joe McCarthy and Roy Cohn got together and had a baby and the baby was Donald J. Trump running the country.”

Otisville inmates are not impressed with Cohen. They were more impressed with Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino. When you rat out another guy in your case you walk into prison with a big strike against you, regardless of who you ratted out. Guys couldn’t understand why Cohen ratted out Trump. They figured Cohen would get a pardon anyway. Some guys think that Cohen’s family members were threatened with prosecution. Cohen’s father in law was involved in the medallion cab scam with Cohen.

At the time Cohen ratted out Trump there was no way to know whether Trump was going to take a fall. They could have both gone down in flames. In spite of Cohen turning on Trump, et tu Judas, guys have told me that Cohen still has a soft spot for that orange mop of disheveled locks. Oy gevalt!

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The opinions expressed in this blog are solely the opinions of Larry Noodles. These opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions or views of Lawrence Dressler, Donald Trump, Anthony Fauci or Joey Buttafuoco. If you have been offended by anything that has been written in this blog, you need to file a formal complaint with Hashem. Moshiach Now!

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Rav Elyashiv rules that if a wicked man, or wicked goat, dies on Shabbos and his corpse is lying in the sun in shame, one should move the corpse by placing a child or loaf of bread on the corpse. Although one is permitted to agitate a wicked person while the wicked person is alive, now that the wicked person is dead and his nefarious activities have ceased, one should offer the wicked dead person a respectable burial. Larry Noodles is very machmir in the mitzvah of agitating a living wicked person or a wicked goat, as the case may be.

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