Larry Noodles KIDNAPPED!!!!!

Larry Noodles KIDNAPPED!!!!!

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COLLive, The Yeshiva World, The Jerusalem Post, the Yale Daily, and the New Haven Independent have just reported that Larry Noodles has been kidnapped. Larry Noodles was last seen learning the English alphabet and addition & subtraction at a local New Haven yeshiva which recently instituted a rigorous secular studies program to help ignoramuses like Larry Noodles adjust to the outside world after having been raised in a Jewish shtetl. The FBI has compiled a list of persons, and animals suspected of kidnapping the infamous Noodles. At the top of the list is a Rabbi / Goat named Daniel Greer. The New Haven Police have identified goat hoof footprints at Edgewood Park. Next on the list is a group of former Otisville inmates from the Ukraine who suspected Noodles of ratting them out to the prison guards for stealing chicken from the Otisville warehouse walk in freezer. After the Russian inmates is a 78 year old Jewish mob boss from Otisville, who could never be a made guy because of Mafia religious discrimination, whose nickname is “Neighborhood Mitch.” Mitch suspected Noodles of spreading rumors in Otisville that Mitch was “a rat.” After Mitch is a 89 year old Satmar arsonist named Naftuli Schlesinger. Naftuli got mad at Noodles in Otisville for not providing Naftuli with fresh tomatoes every day. Noodles is currently being held hostage. The criminals holding Noodles hostage have demanded the sum of $10 million for the safe return of Noodles, less one body part, ie., his noodle. Noodles’ last will and testament appointed Lawrence Dressler to be his executor, administrator and guardian of the vast Noodles estate, which includes Noodles’ articles about the Goat, some Noodles t-shirts and Noodles memes made by a Doctor who works at a State psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane in Detroit. If you would like to contribute money towards the $10 million ransom to free the Noodles please send your money via CashApp, Venmo, Zelle and PayPal to 2037108137 / LawrenceDressler. If you would like to find out the latest news about the efforts to free Mr. Noodles please go to this website:

WWW.LAWRENCEDRESSLER.COM

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