This past Friday night, January 25, 2019, Bill Maher mentioned me on his comedy show. At the time the show aired I was eating gefilte fish and lokshen kugel with fellow Sabbath observant felons. The next day a few Jews who watch tv on Shabbos told me I was on the Bill Maher show. I told them that it was permissible to break the Shabbat in order to watch Larry Noodles on prime time television.
I was honored to be mentioned on a show that is hosted by a fellow Jew. Bill Maher’s father is Irish and his mother is a Hungarian Jew. His mother may have some Satmar blood, as the Satmars hail from the town of SatuMare, Hungary, which is now Romania.
Bill Maher has no interest in religion. He said he didn’t know his mother was a Jew until he was in his teens. Maher has claimed to be an agnostic. What could be more Jewish than that?
Bill dated a Black Playboy bunny named Coco, who ended up suing Bill after he broke up with her. Coco claimed that Bill broke his promise to support her and buy her a house in Beverly Hills. Coco was a gold digger. Her case was dismissed. After he dumped Coco, Bill started to date a Black hip hop model named Karrine. You would think Bill would have learned his lesson after he dated the first shvartze. Bill has had to defend himself against the media who has attacked him for dating Black chicks. In his defense Bill said, “Robert DeNiro is also into Black women.” Is that the best he can do? Everyone knows that Italian men have a weakness for dark women. He should hire Larry Noodles to defend him against the racist press.
When I was locked up in Otisville there was a Satmar Hasid named Mendy who was also into Black chicks. Mendy was decked out with a beard, yarmukle, peyot, and tzitzis. His young, attractive Black girlfriend drove up to Otisville on every Saturday to visit Mendy. Mendy’s wife and children visited him on Sundays. Mendy created a tumult with the religious inmates and the rabbi inmates, who complained to the Jewish prison chaplain Richter. I still remember watching Richter and Mendy arguing in the Otisville parking lot. Mendy claimed that his shvarzte shiksa was his “secretary” and they were only talking business in the visiting room. It must be that Satmar blood that Mendy and Bill share. Hungary is only a stones throw from Italy.
In the visitors room there is a giant sign-in book for the visitor to sign her name when she first arrives. The visitor signs her name below fifty other names of visitors who stopped by during the previous week. Sometimes the visitor looks at the list of names and recognizes the name of the inmate’s suspected girlfriend in the book. When the inmate shows up to visit his wife the other inmates are treated to a live episode of the Maury Povich show.
I remember one inmate who used to have a crush on the female visitors. Podiatrist Dr. Muss fell in love with Charlie’s sister Amy when she came to visit. Charlie was an attorney who represented celebrities. Charlie had a Brazilian model girlfriend. Charlie didn’t want prescription pad convict Muss anywhere near his sister. Muss wouldn’t give up. He put a sign on his shirt to get Amy’s attention. The officer in charge of the camp went nuts and almost threw Muss in the SHU, ie., solitary confinement. Muss also had a crush on a female attorney friend who visited me a few times. He wouldn’t stop asking me about her. He drove me crazy.
Eventually the inmates got fed up with Muss harassing females in the visitors room. Playboy billionaire Helle Nahmad had an idea. Helle found a pen pal for Muss. The pen pal was a local Black chick who had six kids. Helle wrote the letters for Muss. Muss got excited when he received letters back from the shiksa. Nothing ever became of the relationship. A few months later Muss rekindled a relationship he had with a woman fifteen years before he entered Otisville. Muss had a one night stand with her and she got pregnant. She never told Muss she had his baby. She waited 15 years before she decided to sue him for paternity and child support. Muss had no money but she still got child support orders. She corresponded with Muss and they became friends. She came to visit him in Otisville a few times with her daughter. I don’t think anything ever became of the relationship.
Below is a link to the clip that mentions me on the Bill Maher show:
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