Latest News From Inside The Compound

Latest News From Inside The Compound

Rabbi Daniel “The Goat” Greer

My Spanish speaking spies recently infiltrated the compound.  The Goat has a college educated frum guy from Yeshiva Ohr Soymayach recruiting yeshivish, Sefardi, Syrian and Bukarian guys into the compound each week.  The Goat also does some recruiting himself.   The Goat gets ten guys every Friday night.  They get paid $75 to stay from Friday night to Saturday night.  If they stay til Sunday they get paid an extra $25.  The Goat recruits guys ranging in age from their early twenties to mid thirties.  Some guys are from the tri-State area while others are from as far away as France, Israel, Latin America and even Africa.  The Goat has been recruiting a number of Spanish speaking Sefardim from Latin America and even has a Jewish convert recruited from Africa.  I’m sure Rabbi Goat did a thorough background check on the African Jew to make sure he wasn’t related to Obama.  There is nobody that the Goat hates more than Obama, with the exception of Larry Noodles. 

At one point the Goat recruited a group of Syrians from the Five Towns.  Syrian Jews are flashy types with gold chains and fancy cars.  These guys stayed one Shabbos and never came back.  They complained about the living quarters, the accommodations, the food, and everything else that was provided to them by their host the Goat.

The Spanish and African Jews don’t seem to mind that the Goat is right wing in his political views.  The Goat recently has been complaining to them about Spanish immigrants sneaking across the Mexican border.  I remember the Goat was always fond of talking about how his mother fled Egypt in 1948 to France and then to America with the clothes on her back.  I wonder if the Goat’s mother is a legal immigrant.  I must research this issue.  There must be some way to get the Goat deported to Egypt.  

The Goat is a big fan of Trump’s border wall.  The Goat still hates Obama and the Clintons with a passion.  The Goat is not the most vocal Trump supporter but agrees with Trump that a giant wall is necessary to keep out undesirables and criminals. Rabbi Goat’s child rape case is scheduled for next month in the Superior Court Criminal Division at 235 Church Street. 

When asked about his children the Goat tells his recruits that his children live in the area not far from New Haven.  Dov Greer lives in Philadelphia.  Ezi Greer lives in Waterbury.  The Goat’s daughters live in New York and New Jersey.  The Goat doesn’t mention to his recruits that his entire family, other than the Ewe, disowned him two years ago.  They refuse to acknowledge that he is their father.  The Goat speaks highly of his children to his recruits.  He tells them that his sons are very learned in Torah and yet are able to balance their learning with the modern world, ie., they are highly educated and have important jobs.  Two years ago the Goat used to tell his recruits that his family and local New Haven congregants were on vacation in Greece.  

The Goat hosts his ten recruits every Friday night at his home at 133 West Park Avenue.  The Ewe has to cook for ten guys and the Goat.  It’s a lot of cooking for one Ewe.  The Goat is a big fesser. The Ewe cannot expect the Goat to help out.  The Goat used to host the guys every Friday night and Saturday afternoon, but the Ewe complained.  The Ewe has to be in her early to mid seventies.  The Goat is a slave driver.  The Ewe now only cooks on Friday nights and the guys eat at the Nightmare on Elm Street yeshiva building every Saturday afternoon.  On Saturdays the Goat provides them with a hot chulent and some prepared food in trays that is shipped in from Monsey.  The Goat would never buy food from a kosher caterer in Connecticut, it was never kosher enough for the Goat.  

The Goat does not have services at his shul during the week.  Every weekday morning the Goat walks from his stable to the Roger Sherman elementary school building he purchased from the City of New Haven almost forty years ago for a dollar.  He sits in a building built for 400 and prays by himself.  No minyan.  No young bochurim to leer at.  No school.  No family. Nobody to rebuke for failing to stand during kaddish prayers.  Just the lonely Goat of faith reliving the past, the days of glory. 

The Goat should look forward to going to jail. At least in jail the Goat will be able to make friends with other diddlers and chomos, ie., child molesters.  The Goat will be sent to a prison in Upstate Connecticut in Windham County, where the State of Connecticut sends all its diddlers, for their own protection.  If the Goat was busted in New York he would be able to live in a prison with other Jewish diddlers.  In Connecticut the Goat will have to put up with goyish diddlers.  The Goat can teach them about Judaism, maybe even convert a few and start his own minyan in jail.  The Goat already has a convert from Africa praying with him on Shabbos at his Goat shul.   The Goat could lead a new shul in prison with diddlers of all races and backgrounds.     

The Goat shul building used to be a public elementary school with ten large classrooms and hundreds of children running around.  Now it is completely devoid of children, or any human life for that matter.  The only life form that occupies the Roger Sherman school building is a he-goat. 

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3 thoughts on “Latest News From Inside The Compound

    1. Thank you for your comment, it was a steal at $30K, but the Goat must have been very angry that he had to pay anything over a nickel.

  1. $30,000! That must be the kosher discount given to chosen chomos. I heard the goat was lookin to score some of your properties with the Yid discount after you had your troubles. What a mench.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS(to half of Noodles) THE GINZO HALF.

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