My sources have revealed to me that Michael Cohen suffered a heart attack this past week while he was relaxing in Club Fed in Otisville prison. I heard he was taken to the local hospital and treated. I am not sure if the doctors diagnosed him with a heart attack or indigestion. It’s not unusual for severe indigestion to feel like a heart attack. The food in Otisville is terrible. When I was locked up in Otisville the kosher food was really bad but every Shabbos the Jews got to eat higher quality kosher meals. The food the goyim ate gave them indigestion. One guy named Sal Romano was nicknamed “Gas leak Romano.”
Cohen is not eating the kosher food in Otisville. Cohen is not religious. Cohen is a simple Jew. From what I heard he is much stupider than your average Jew. Cohen had no problem getting into the lowest ranked Cooley Law School. Cooley never had a Cohen apply. Cohen was the token Jew.
The quality and quantity of kosher food has gone down considerably since I was locked up in 2015. I heard that after Jewish inmate Mshulem Jacobowitz left, the first inmate released under the First Step Act, he took all the kosher food with him. I hereby make a public appeal to Mshulem to return that food to Otisville immediately, the kosher guys are starving!
The Federal guards took Cohen to the hospital immediately. They didn’t wait around for Cohen to kill himself like what happened with Jeffrey Epstein at MCC. That was embarrassing for the Bureau of Prisons. The new warden at MCC is Marti Licon-Vitale, a woman of Mexican descent, who used to be the warden at Otisville before my time. Former inmates told me that she met her husband, ie., Vitale, at Otisville, as he was a guard at Otisville. Guys feared Licon, as well as Vitale, whom some guys said was a racist. They were more sadistic than your average correctional officer. I have met many decent correctional officers in Otisville, but the job takes its toll. The guards and the inmates both suffer psychological damage from the prison experience.
When I was locked up in Otisville I gave birth to a kidney stone. I had no idea what was happening to me. I thought I was going to die in Otisville. I complained that I was in excruciating pain. The guards told me to lie down. They wouldn’t take me to the hospital. They told me I had to wait for the count. I waited in extreme pain. Eventually I convinced them to take me to the hospital. They drove me to the hospital in a pickup truck. Once I got to the hospital I didn’t want to get out of the hospital bed, I was used to sleeping on a yoga mat lying on top of a steel board.
Trump’s snitch should buy some Tums on the commissary for his indigestion and stop giving the guards, and the Jews, a hard time in Otisville. I heard Cohen is a blowhard and is not well liked by the Jews. Trump wasn’t impressed with Cohen and neither are his fellow Hebrew tribe members Jared Kushner, Kushner’s felon father, angry attorney inmate Peter Ressler, inmate dentist Dr. Rosenberg, drug dealer inmate Jon Braun, Sholom Rubashkin or Rabbi Balkany. Moshiach Now!
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