Michael Cohen’s crimes were the following: lying on his tax returns, lying to get a mortgage, paying hush money to bimbos, and lying to Congress about business dealings with Russians. If Cohen was not the President’s attorney he would have faced about 3-5 years of jail time for these crimes. The Feds put the squeeze on Attorney Cohen. Either cooperate or we throw the book at you. Cohen didn’t have much of a choice. Either cooperate with the Feds or take a gamble that Trump is going to sign a pardon. Cohen decided to rat out The Donald rather than take a chance on door number two.
Cohen got a lot of jail time considering he snitched out the President of the most powerful country in the world. You would think the Feds would taken him out for dinner and sponsored a kiddush for him. But the Feds have a bad enough reputation as it is for coddling rats and snitches. If the Feds let Cohen completely off the hook with no jail time there is a risk that the American people would realize that the Department of Justice is a joke. Funding will get cut. Jobs will be lost. Former FBI agents will end up selling illegal drugs on the streets.
Cohen got a lot of character letters asking sentencing Judge William Pauley III for leniency. Michael got a letter from NY Giants punter Steve Wetherford. Wetherford wrote that after he won Superbowl 46 when he played for the Giants “the first person I called was Michael Cohen, I thought so highly of him I gave him the Superbowl special teams ball…” If he really loved Cohen he would have given Cohen his Super Bowl ring. Does Wetherford really expect to impress sentencing Judge William Pauly III with a football?
Cohen got a character letter from his daughter’s friend Sara Armet, a liberal Jew from the Upper East Side. She wrote that when she first heard that Cohen was going to help Trump with his campaign, “I was dumbfounded and disappointed, I am a registered Democrat.” Sara told Judge Pauly that she gave Cohen advise on how to be a good Jew: “I told Michael everything I had been building in my personal life, how Jewish giving and Israel gave me a purpose. He shared with me his parents story of being Holocaust survivors and coming to America where there was opportunity. This was never public knowledge. I encouraged him to take a stand on this to have a voice in the Jewish world. When I read in the news over the last few weeks Michael speaking about how he was the son of survivors I have never been more proud to know him.”
Sara sounds like a serious Jew. Sentencing judge William Pauly III should be impressed by Sara’s commitment to her people. Even if Pauly is a goy. Pauly was appointed by President Slick Willie Clinton, a close friend of the Jews. Pauly is a registered Democrat. Pauly let another Jewish criminal off the hook back in 2009. Jewish defendant Ben Ami Kadish. Kadish pleaded guilty in 2009 to leaking classified U.S. military information to Israeli agents. The crime occurred in 1985. Pauley sentenced Kadish in 2009 to a $50,000 fine and no jail time. Pauley took a swipe at the Feds, and the Deep State, at sentencing: “This offense is a grave one that implicates the national security of the United States. Why it took the government 23 years to charge Mr. Kadish is shrouded in mystery.”
In reality Sara Armet is not as serious as she made herself out to be with Judge Pauley. Larry Noodles did some noodling on the internet. Sara is a party girl. Sara has a profile on a website called Insta Stalker. Her nickname is Leopard Lady Sara. You can watch her party life live on video by clicking this LINK.
Michael’s father Maurice Cohen wrote a character letter pleading for mercy. He said he was born in Poland in 1935. At four years of age “the world around me turned into an inferno and my life was turned upside down. I survived bombings, target shootings, hunger, disease, gulags of Siberia, and persecution. Ultimately my family was blessed to go to Canada.” Maurice got his medical degree from the University of Toronto and eventually made his way to New York where he opened up a private practice in Brooklyn to treat the less fortunate, where “I hoped to do some good, one person at a time and possibly justify why the Lord decided to spare me.” Maurice is totally clueless. At 83 years of age you would think that Maurice would realize by now that he survived the war because of dumb luck. Maurice should have taught his son to stay away from sleezy characters like the Donald.
Michael Cohen is not a religious man. I couldn’t find any character letters signed by any rabbis. Cohen will have plenty of time to rediscover his Jewish roots in Otisville. Otisville is packed with New York Jews. There are about 100-118 guys in the camp at any given time. 75-80 are Jews. Most of the Jews are not religious when they check into Otisville. The population of religious Jews goes up and down over time. When I first got locked up there was a large population of Hasidim. They wouldn’t allow anyone who wasn’t frum to get an aliya. By the time I got out 18 months later most of the Hasidim had left. There were less than ten religious Jews in the entire facility. Most of the Jewish inmates wore yarmukles because they thought that it would protect them against the guards, or get them special perks.
My sources have told me that right now there is a sizable population of religious Jews. But that could change by the time Cohen checks in. The Jewish inmate who keeps order is Herman “Mshoolum” Jakobowitz. He sometimes loses his mind trying to appease the guards and keep the Jews from killing each other. You never know when someone is going to snap. I still remember the time Danny Greenberg was in the pill line behind a guy who looked like Mr. Magoo, short, bald, fat with big glasses. Danny was in the middle of a tennis game and was holding his tennis racquet. Danny wanted to take his pills quickly and get back on the tennis court. Danny was upset that Mr. Magoo was taking too long talking to the nurse who was dispensing his meds. Danny started to yell at Mr. Magoo. Dannny almost whacked him over the head with his tennis racquet. Danny was taken away by the guards. He luckily avoided the SHU (solitary).
I heard a lot of Russians recently got locked up recently in Otisville. These guys are not real Russians. Most of them are Ukrainian Jews living in Brooklyn. The Feds usually round them up every now and then in Medicare fraud cases. Medicare can be very lucrative. These guys rake in millions. The Russians see the streets of Brooklyn paved in Medicare gold. The Feds are too incompetent to regulate the flow of money into the hands of fraudster doctors, nurses, psychologists, physical therapists and aides all working together in Coney Island and Brighton Beach. The Russian inmates may take a liking to Cohen, as they may know some of the Russian criminals Cohen did business with. But Russians don’t trust outsiders. Russians despise cooperators, snitches and rats.
Cohen will get mixed reactions in Otisville. Some guys will hate him because he is a rat and is currently cooperating with Special Counsel Mueller and the Attorney General of the State of New York. How could you trust a guy like that? Nobody will want to smuggle or steal tomatoes with a snitch who is practically wearing an FBI badge. If Cohen smuggles food in for the other inmates he could earn some points. Guys will start to trust him. If Cohen gets thrown in solitary, ie., the SHU (Special Housing Unit), he would get some respect. The guards will take a liking to Cohen because he is a celebrity. If Cohen gets too close to the guards he will piss off the other inmates. Some guys will act nice to Cohen in order to scam him. Most of the guys are locked up for fraud type of crimes. I would be willing to meet with Cohen and offer my services as a prison consultant, but unfortunately for Cohen I have my standards. Cohen is a RAT, and I will never accept a RAT as a client.
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