Yesterday Michael Cohen filed a motion to reduce his prison sentence to one year and a day so that he can get out of Otisville early. Michael Cohen must not be enjoying his stay in Otisville. Only in Club Fed would an inmate like Cohen not face the threat of immediate physical violence after having filed an offer to snitch motion. Michael Cohen has offered his “proffered full cooperation” and “proactive assistance” to the Office of the United States Attorney. Cohen has offered to rat out “knowing family enablers” of Donald Trump, “none of whom enjoy immunity from prosecution.” Cohen submitted email correspondence his attorneys recently had with the Office of the US Attorney in support of his motion for an early release. The emails show that Cohen’s attorneys have begged the US Attorney to bring charges against Trump’s Jewish “family enablers” Jared and Ivanka Kushner as well as Trump’s inner Jewish circle, ie., Alan Weisselberg and David Pecker. Cohen even asked the US Attorney to indict Cohen’s former accountant CPA Jew Jeffrey Getzel. Jews ratting out other Jews! This is not a sign of the coming of Moshiach. This is a sign of the coming of the Failed Moshiach.
Michael Cohen also begged the US Attorney to bring charges against Russian mob connected disbarred Jew lawyer Gene Friedman. Gene, who was recently disbarred as an attorney, owned the largest number of cabs in New York City. Friedman was once worth hundreds of millions of dollars and was known as the “Taxi King” or “Kingpin.” Friedman has had many legal problems for the last several years related to his cab business. He has paid millions in fines and penalties to the City of New York. At one point Friedman was running Michael Cohen’s fleet of cabs. Eventually Friedman got indicted by the Feds and spent 28 days in jail after having snitched out Cohen and others connected to Trump. Cohen has demanded that the Feds bust Friedman for money laundering. Cohen claims he can help the Feds prove that Friedman laundered $300 million to unsavory Russian Jews. Cohen also claims that Friedman illegally converted his taxi business into an Uber type operation. Only a smart Jew would come up with such an idea. In his motion Cohen argued that he “inexplicably” told the Feds about Friedman’s criminal activities yet the Feds took no action to indict Friedman. Since when was Otisville inmate Michael Cohen appointed to run the Department of Justice?
Cohen stated in his affidavit filed in support of his motion that he has had time to reflect on his life while living with Jewish criminals in Otisville. Cohen stated that he regrets being Trump’s lackey. Cohen stated that he thought being Trump’s lawyer would make him feel like a “big man.” Cohen stated that he “now realizes as he walks the Otisville camp paths” that he “sold his soul.” Cohen stated that he became an “enabler” of the Trump Organization and an “enabler” of Donald Trump “personally.” Cohen “confessed” that Trump can be both “magnetic, powerful and charismatic.” Trump is an orange headed orangutan who has as much charisma as a he-goat. The Judge is going to laugh at Cohen’s stupid motion and throw him out on his tuchos.
Cohen submitted emails from the Feds in which the Feds declined to meet with Cohen to discuss the criminal activity of Jared Kushner, Ivanka Kushner, Alan Weisselberg, David Pecker, Jeffrey Getzel and Gene Friedman. The Feds stated that they had “concerns with Mr. Cohen’s ability to provide future cooperation” based on their “previous experiences” with Mr. Cohen. The Feds basically told Cohen that he would never get hired as a Federal agent. If Cohen wants to be a cop he should apply for a job with the local Otisville police department when he gets out. If that doesn’t work he can apply for a job with Yale security. Cohen questioned why the Justice Department viewed him as “testimonially flawed” after the Feds had “held such a large number of proffer sessions in the past.” Cohen sounds like a spurned lover. Cry me a river Mr. Cohen.
Cohen tried to convince the Feds that there was a Trump “snake pit” that required the full force of “Main Justice.” Cohen argued that this was a case where Main Justice was needed just as Main Justice was needed during the Crown Heights riots, “to paraphrase Mayor Dinkins response to the New York Post article ‘Dave Do Something.'” I don’t understand how a reference to David Dinkins and the Crown Heights riots will help convince Federal Judge William H. Pauley III to give Cohen a get out of jail free card. Cohen should ask Chabad Otisville prison chaplain Rabbi Richter for a Chanukah furlough so that he can go home and cry on his Russian Jewish wife’s shoulder.
Cohen also resorted to using the Jew card in his arguments. Cohen argued to Judge William H. Pauley III that the Department of Justice has failed to treat Mr. Cohen in “good faith.” Cohen’s attorney stated, “To paraphrase Emile Zola’s “J’Accuse” Mr. Cohen has not been treated in good faith by the Barr Department of Justice.” Alfred Dreyfus was a French Jewish Army General Staff officer who was sentenced to life in jail after having been falsely accused of espionage. Is Cohen comparing himself to Alfred Dreyfus? Cohen is a Cooley Law graduate and disgraced Trump lackey. Cohen dabbled in the sleezy NYC taxi cab business. Cohen was no fixer. The only thing that Cohen fixed was getting himself a membership at Club Fed.
Cohen also offered to rat out Trump’s goyim “enablers” Hope Hicks and Donald McGhann. McGhann spent a year in Trump’s cabinet as White House counsel. Hope Hicks replaced Anthony Scaramucci as Trump’s director of communications. Hope lasted less than 6 months. Cohen didn’t volunteer to rat out Anthony Scaramucci. I wonder why Cohen wouldn’t rat out a guy with an Italian sounding name. Cohen has been watching too many reruns of The Godfather. Cohen has probably already watched The Irishman in Otisville. Guys were always smuggling movies into the camp. Cohen probably saw The Irishman before it hit the theaters. It probably had Russian or Chinese subtitles. Those subtitles were always annoying.
The Feds have a few weeks to file a response to Cohen’s ridiculous motion. Larry Noodles predicts that Judge William H. Pauley III will be incensed that Cohen tried to throw fellow goyim model Hope Hicks and Don McGhann under the bus. Pauley doesn’t care about Cohen ratting out the Jews. Internal Jewish affairs. Jews are supposed to settle their disputes privately. The goyim are not supposed to know about Jewish dirty laundry.
This is the Hebrew month of Kislev, the month of Chanukah, the month of miracles. On the 19th day of Kislev in the year 1798 Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi was freed from his imprisonment in czarist Russia. Sholom Rubashkin was released during the week of Chanukah in 2017. Michael Cohen will have no such luck. Michael Cohen will be lighting the Menorah in Otisville Federal prison.
“Come now, Mattaathias, be the first to obey the King’s command, as all the Gentiles and Judeans have done, then you and your sons shall be numbered among the King’s friends, and you and your sons shall be honored with silver and gold and many gifts. You are a leader, and honorable and great man in the city, supported by sons and kindred. But Mattathias answered in a loud voice, ‘Although the Gentiles and Judeans in the king’s realm obey him, so that they forsake their religion and consent to the king’s orders, yet I and my sons will keep to the covenant of our ancestors. We will not obey the words of the King by departing from our religion in the slightest degree.’” 1 Maccabees Ch. 2.
“The hand of G-d lay heavy upon the he-goats, the ewes, the crooks, the politicians, and the infidels, and He wrought havoc among them: He struck them with hemorrhoids.” I Samuel 5-6
“It is better to be cursed by the Prophet Achiya ha’Shiloni, and repeatedly cursed out by Larry Noodles, than to be blessed by Bil’am.” Taanit 20.
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