I was just informed that an extremely unsanitary Russian Jewish inmate named Dima, locked up in the Otisville camp, tested positive for the coronavirus, causing the Otisville correctional officers to lock down the camp for a short period of time. I heard that the inmates get check out every day for signs of this plague. The inmates get their temperatures taken constantly. If you have a temperature above 98 degrees you get thrown in the hole, AKA the SHU, AKA the Special Housing Unit, AKA solitary confinement. The guards transfer you to the medium prison where you get to battle the coronavirus in your own private cage. If you recover from this plague, it is a sign Hashem loves you, MAZEL TOV. If you don’t recover, oh well, you are just another casualty, another statistic. Don’t expect the Bureau of Prisons to release you to a local hospital where you would take up valuable space reserved for law abiding American citizen, who are already fighting with each other to get a ventilator. Inmates are not considered full citizens. You are considered property of the Federal government. You are chattel. The 13th Amendment to the United States Constitution abolished slavery, but there is a caveat to the 13th Amendment. The 13th Amendment doesn’t apply to prisoners. You are a lowly Hebrew slave. You earn 13 cents an hour working for the BOP. The only survivors of this plague that Hashem has inflicted upon the sinners will be the one percenters, such as members of the Trump family, the Kushners, the Kardashians, the Clinton Foundation, Bernie Sanders, and Mick Jagger. I like Hashem. Hashem has a good sense of humor. If Hashem didn’t go into theology He would have been a great stand up comedian.
The camp never gets locked down. The Otisville medium next door to the camp gets locked down all the time for “security reasons.” If the guards suspect that there is going to be a fight in the medium they lock it down. Sometimes they lock it down for the stupidest of reasons, like for bad weather. The Otisville prison is located on prime real estate at the top of mountain in the Catskills, on Two Mile Road in the little town of Otisville. You get off a major highway, drive a few miles through run down towns and then take a right onto Two Mile Road, where you see a big sign that says “Otisville Correctional Institution.” After you drive two miles up Two Mile Road you reach the Otisville parking lot. Fog frequently drifts into the Otisville facility on the top of the Otisville mountain. Every time the fog rolls in the guards lock it down. The guards get worried that an inmate might escape under fog cover, get into his girlfriend’s getaway car, and then make it to the Canadian border in three hours. Good luck with that plan!
In the camp the inmates are confined to cubicles. There are no jail cells, ie., no cages in the Otisville camp. The guys in the Otisville medium are locked up in cages. The medium is located next door to the Otisville camp. Next to the medium up on a little hill is the Otisville J Unit, where guys live in comfortable dorm type rooms, with private bathrooms and no cages. The J Unit is reserved for high profile rats whose lives are at risk. Its like a witness protection program for inmates. The cubicles in the camp consist of concrete dividers that form little rectangular self enclosed areas, with just enough room for a bunk bed and two metal lockers. There are about 50 of these cubicles located in a giant open room. Each concrete barrier is about five feet high. The bunk beds rise a few inches above the concrete barriers. If you looked at the room from the sky it would look like a maze.
If you think you have been complaining about being quarantined in your apartment imagine being confined to an Otisville cubicle with your bunk mate. The guys can’t be confined to their cubicles 24/7. They have to cook food for the other inmates, work at the facilities, and use the communal bathrooms and showers. The guys who are locked up in the SHU only leave their cage to take showers once every few days. They have a toilet in their cage. The guards bring them meals. They never leave their cages.
The filthy Russian Jewish inmate who got the virus was contagious long before he was tested positive. This Russian guy probably spread his disease to his Russian buddies whom he ate with at his dining room table in the prison dining area. Everyone sits at the same seats and eats with the same guys. If you try to take someone’s seat you will get cursed out with death threats. You have to wait for an inmate to check out of Otisville. You have to get invited to a table, tapped by a frat, except in Otisville you are tapped by a rat, such as Michael Cohen.
When I was in Otisville some of the Russian inmates had to be trained on how to blow their noses. They frequently blew their noses into the sink, without using tissue paper. Some of the American inmates were just as filthy. I remember some guys hoarded food in their lockers. Eventually the food would rot and stink. The filthy inmates usually cleaned up their acts after they got harassed by the other inmates. Nobody wants to live in a pig pen. If the place is a mess the guards crack down on all the inmates. Group punishment. The guards will take away the gym, the library, mail, anything they want. The inmates are forced to police themselves and crack down on the slobs.
I heard that the guards gave the Otisville inmates face masks. The guys are still living on top of each other. The cubicles have just enough room for two guys to stand up, two beds and two lockers. There is no room to walk around in a cubicle. 100 guys are in these cubicles, which are side by side in one big room. You can still spread the virus even with a mask, especially when you are living in such close quarters.
Inmate Michael Cohen still has his petition on change.org to get the Bureau of Prisons to release the 100 or so Otisville campers and turn the camp into a makeshift hospital. So far Cohen’s petition has 69K signatures. Cohen failed to get the signature that matters the most, the signature of the man whom Cohen ratted out., ie., President Trump. As long as Trump is in the White House you can expect Cohen to remain in the Big House, regardless of pandemics, tornadoes, natural disasters, or the earth opening up and swallowing up the Hebrew sinners who worshiped the golden calf.
Cohen’s motion to get out early just got shot down by Federal Judge Pauley. Cohen argued that he should get out early because he had a cooperation agreement with the Feds. Cohen said he gave the Feds valuable information on the Trumps and the Kushners, but the Feds reneged on the cooperation agreement and won’t let the Cohen gadol out early. Judge Pauley stated in his order the following: “After his sentencing, Cohen sought to proffer a cooperation agreement with the United States Attorney’s Office in the hope of obtaining a reduction of his sentence. Cohen made material and false statements in his post-sentencing proffer sessions with the US Attorney’s Office. Unable to articulate how he advanced any investigation, Cohen and his surrogates made extravagant allegations that the Department of Justice—from the Attorney General down to line prosecutors—acted in bad faith. Those ad hominem attacks lack any substance and do not trigger the right to a remedy or a hearing before this Court. Apparently searching for a new argument to justify a modification of his sentence to home confinement, Cohen now raises the specter of COVID-19. That Cohen would seek to single himself out for release to home confinement appears to be just another effort to inject himself into the news cycle. Ten months into his prison term, it’s time that Cohen accept the consequences of his criminal convictions for serious crimes that had far reaching institutional harms. For these reasons, Cohen’s application to reduce or modify his sentence is denied.” I heard that Cohen was disappointed that he lost his motion, but not surprised.
I would like to know where Cohen is getting all his money to pay his attorneys to file one ridiculous motion after another to try to get out of Club Fed. There are plenty of competent disbarred attorneys locked up with Cohen who are more than capable of ghost writing Cohens’ motions. Cohen is an attorney himself, he can write his own motions. Cohen should stop wasting his money on attorneys when he has a dream team of Otisville inmate attorneys right at his fingertips.
The opinions expressed in this blog are solely the opinions of Larry Noodles. These opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions or views of Lawrence Dressler, Ivanka Trump or Bernie Sanders. If you have been offended by anything that has been written in this blog, you need to file a formal complaint with Hashem. If you are an Otisville inmate and would like a naked picture of Ivanka Trump, or Michael Cohen’s wife, mailed to you please send your request on a cop-out form, in triplicate, to the Larry Noodles Quarantine Center, located at the Skull & Bones fraternity on the Yale University Campus.
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