Otisville Locked Down With Arrival of Michael Cohen

Otisville Locked Down With Arrival of Michael Cohen

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Michael Cohen turned himself in to Otisville prison yesterday. A hoard of media whores followed his every step. A news helicopter following Cohen’s car from the time it left his Manhattan apartment until it arrived in the Town of Otisville. The helicopter followed Cohen all the way to the front steps of the Otisville prison.

Cohen got out of his car, took off his jacket and proceeded to walk to the front door of the Otisville medium prison facility. Because of the media frenzy, and the news helicopter hovering over Federal property, the Warden at Otisville locked down the entire Otisville facility. Guys in the medium, the J-Unit and the camp were all confined to their beds for 24 hours. It was a beautiful sunny day yesterday. Guys in Otisville were looking forward to going outside. Instead they were confined to their cells or dorms all day. I heard they were not happy.

The Warden at Otisville locked down Otisville because of the news helicopter hovering outside of a Federal prison. I didn’t realize it was so easy for a helicopter to get so close to a Federal prison. You would think that the Warden would have a radio and contact the helicopter pilot and tell him to get lost. You would think that the Feds would have sent a few F15 fighter planes to chase off the offending helicopter. Nothing happened. The Feds don’t seem to care much about the safety or welfare of inmates.

I also heard that Otisville visiting hours were suspended yesterday, having nothing to do with the Monsey measles. Everything was locked down. The Otisville camp has some of the most generous visiting hours of all Federal prisons, in order to accommodate religious Jews, who cannot drive on Saturdays. Most Federal prisons are miserly when it comes to visitors. Correctional officers don’t like babysitting the visitors room and stopping guys from kissing their girlfriends and smuggling in contraband. Correctional officers would rather operate a prison like a nursing home. Stay in your bed, keep quiet, watch tv, and don’t make any sudden movements.

After Cohen was processed in the A-1 lobby he was escorted to the camp, where he was greeted by Michael “the Sitch” Sorrentino, Billy “Fyre Festival” McFarland, New York Assemblyman Dean Skelos, a few drug dealers, a bunch of white collar Jewish criminals, an Israeli, some Hasidim, and a few Russian Jews. Cohen’s connections in the Russian Jewish community should pay off in Otisville. Cohen’s wife’s family is Russian, plus Cohen’s uncle ran the El Caribe Country Club out of Mill Basin that catered to Russian gangsters. Cohen will be living it up in the Catskills. Cohen has three years to get rabbinical ordination. Moshiach Now!

2 thoughts on “Otisville Locked Down With Arrival of Michael Cohen

  1. It is a shame that the goyim now know that we have our very own special prison I guess nobody told Noodles or Cohen that the first rule about Otisville Camp for wayward chosen is that YOU NEVER DISCUSS OTISVILLE CAMP FOR WAYWARD CHOSEN. We dont want it getting out that we chosen dont do “real” time when we finally get caught.


  2. There are not only Jewish neighbors for Cohen. There will be hundreds of black and Hispanic inmates around Cohen to harass him. But small donations will keep him safe.

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