A Letter from the Wife of a Child Molester
I want you to know how sorry I am about your situation – both for you and your children.
You are not the only Jewish woman who married a pedophile. I did too. I left him more than a decade ago because I knew that someday I would end up on headline news, just as you have. I am so sorry for the embarrassment and humiliation you’ve suffered.
Each of us makes our own decision. I stayed a long time with my husband too. I hoped that my love would fill that empty place in his heart. It didn’t. I had fasted and prayed during my entire marriage. We tried years of counseling and even an in-patient treatment center. My husband got a masters in marriage and family therapy. It didn’t help.
One day, I found out about a new incident, and I realized I had to get out for the sake of my children and everyone around us.
I heard a voice saying, “You are like a bird in a cage. I have opened the door. You may fly out or stay in. But that door won’t open again.”
I flew out. And I am so happy I did. I asked my husband to leave – exhibiting a strength and toughness I never knew I had. I got out of my home, out of my synagogue, out of my neighborhood, and out of my town. I did not hate him; but I knew he was a walking disaster area.
Yes, the first couple of years were hard financially. My children suffered at first, but they have turned out as lovely whole people. They are winners in every sense: personally, academically, and spiritually. They don’t have the level of damage in their lives that their father does. They love him but see his limits. I told them the truth when they turned 21. They hadn’t been victims themselves and hadn’t known.
I want to give you hope that if you want to fly out the open door, that life is wonderful out here. Yes, you will hurt a lot for a year, maybe two. But the joy of living without the burden of a pedophile in your life is incredible.
• I thought people would condemn me. But they didn’t. They surrounded me with love.
• I thought I would never be financially solid again. But I am. In fact I have 10 times the assets I did when I was married.
• I thought my children would be damaged and hopelessly dysfunctional. They aren’t. They tell me that they feel the same as everyone else. In fact, they look at their friends’ mothers and see a lot more dysfunction there.
• I thought I would never have any honor. I’ve been put on many corporate and non-profit boards and served in far more leadership positions than I did when I was married.
• My children are proud of me for what I did.
I hope this has given you hope.
Whatever you decide, the choice is truly yours. I am thrilled I was set free. My life is incredibly happy. There are much worse things in this world than divorce.
Sarah Greer should also watch the press conference of the ex-wife of Subway executive child molester Jared Fogle: