Tischler’s Legal Dream Team

Tischler’s Legal Dream Team

I was locked up with Heshy Tischler in Otisville Federal Prison back in 2014. Heshy was doing time for immigration fraud. Heshy and his co-conspirators made hundreds of thousands of dollars off of rich foreigners eager to live the American dream. Heshy and his partners in crime forged documents, faked employment, arranged phony marriages and bribed immigration officials to get green cards approved. In Otisville Heshy boasted about prominent Jews from foreign countries whom he helped get citizenship.

Heshy recently got himself into hot water with the State of New York when he riled up a crowd of angry Brooklyn Hasidim against Hasidic reporter Jacob Kornbluh. Kornbluh was reporting his fellow Jews to the authorities for failing to wear masks. Heshy lit a pile of masks on fire while his Hasidic followers cheered.

Heshy has been operating a weekly radio show since he got out of Federal prison for the last several years. Heshy’s radio show is small time. Heshy also has been reporting about local news in Boro Park for the last few years. He was a one man operation. He had a local following among the Hasidim. He made a few bucks from his radio show from local businesses who advertised on his show.

Heshy and his crowd of angry Hasidim surrounded Kornbluh. They backed him up into a wall while they yelled “RAT!” “SNITCH!” “MOSSER!” Kornbluh reported Heshy to the police. The cops planned to arrest Heshy on Friday but since it was eve of the Sabbath and Simchas Torah, they waited until Sunday night to bust Heshy. Heshy stated that the cops told him that they were going to arrest him on Monday, not Sunday night. When the cops showed up at Heshy’s apartment Sunday night after the end of Simchas Torah, Heshy screamed at them for breaking their promise. You just can’t trust cops these days. Heshy had to spend a night in a jail cell. Big deal. Whether Heshy spent Sunday night or Monday night in jail, who cares? Heshy has already been to jail. Heshy knows the ropes. Heshy probably wanted to make a grand entrance into the police station on Monday surrounded by his crowd of Hasidim waving Trump signs. The cops denied Heshy this media frenzy opportunity. Heshy should sue. Heshy had the right to be arrested on his own terms, not terms dictated by the State authorities.

When Heshy got out of jail he was surrounded by his Jewish dream team of frummie lawyers. Heshy hired the self described religious “pink Barbie girl” attorneys Sara Shulevitz 40, and Mindy Meyer, 26. Sara and Mindy do fashion shows when they are not defending the miscreants of society. Sara recently married a Chassidisha guy in a shtreimel. Mindy is still single. You can find Mindy’s profile on JDate, Frumster, LostYouAtSinai, and Tinder. Sara graduated from Fordham Law while Mindy graduated from Touro. I guess Heshy couldn’t afford to hire big shot attorney Ben Braffman, who is the lawyer of choice for wealthy Jews who get in trouble. I knew a guy in Otisville who paid Braffman a one million dollar retainer.

CORRECTION: Mindy Meyer is no longer single. She married a guy named Kessner and sired a child. Her instagram name is @prettylittlelawyers I apologize for the fake news. My research team was fed false information by Bernie Sanders, who was provided with a laptop that was stolen from Rudolph Guiliani by Russian agents working for Hunter Biden. If you wish to send Mindy a wedding gift I believe her registry has expired but you can mail cash to my office and I will send it to me. I accept cash through the mail. If you wish to send her a baby gift you can double your wedding gift and add that to your envelope.

Heshy rounded out his legal team with 54 year old Brooklyn attorney Abraham Hoschander. Abraham graduated from Brooklyn Law. Abraham is a Young Israel guy. Abraham hasn’t had any big cases. Abraham doesn’t even have a website. But Abraham wears a mask, unlike Heshy, who burns masks. Abraham wears two masks when he is near Heshy.

Heshy was charged with four misdemeanors, ie., inciting a riot, false imprisonment, menacement and harassment. Is menacement a word? Heshy probably won’t do a day in jail. In the meantime Heshy started a GoFundMePage. Heshy already raised $13K. Getting arrested was the best thing to happen to Heshy. Heshy, with a giant smile on his face, has taken to the airwaves to attack Governor Cuomo and Mayor DiBlasio. Heshy said he has asked Donald Trump to intervene and protect him against the evil Democrats in New York. Governor Cuomo accused Trump of inciting Heshy and his Hasidim against Cuomo. Trump retweeted a post calling Mayor DeBlasio an “an anti-Semite thug piece of s**t rounding up the Jews.” Bonfire of the Insanities!

Heshy ordered his Hasidic followers to protest in front of Kornbluh’s apartment on the night Heshy was arrested. A crowd of a hundred or so Hasidim surrounded Kornbluh’s apartment and yelled “Snitch!” “Rat!” “Mosser!” Kornbluh’s apartment was guarded by a wall of armed New York City Police officers wearing masks. Most of Heshy’s supporters didn’t wear masks.

Heshy is going to milk his arrest for every penny he can get. Heshy’s case won’t get to court for years. Heshy’s followers will harass the jurors if it ever goes to trial. Heshy could care less if he had to sit in jail for a year. Heshy will have plenty of money in his commissary account. Heshy could live like a king in Rikers.

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6 thoughts on “Tischler’s Legal Dream Team

  1. Who needs “Bulldog” Braffman when you have the Boro-Park Barbies? I heard them on YouTube defending Heshy’s charges on the sidewalk outside the courthouse…they would turn any jury to mush in their hands! Heshy’s future as a free man is secured with this Dream Team! Onward and upward Team Heshy! #Goys4Heshy #ShiksaLivesMatter

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