Inside sources have told me that President Trump is currently meeting with Ali G. Ali G is helping the Donald compile a list of over 100 inmates for last minute pardons and commutations. The New York Times reported today that New York politician Sheldon Silver and insurance fraudster Sholam Weiss are on the Presidential pardon short list. Sholam is currently locked up in the Otisville medium. I never got to meet him as I was in the Otisville camp. Sheldon Silver is currently in the Otisville camp. Sholam Weiss is scheduled to be released in the year 2738. Weiss got 700 years, the longest sentence for a white collar crime. It didn’t help that the Feds chased Weiss around Europe for years after he skipped on his bond. Bernie Madoff only got 150 years. Sheldon Silver’s release date is 2024. Bernie Madoff has been asking Trump for a commutation since 2019. Jarod Kushner’s extortionist fraudster father Charles Kushner was just granted a post prison pardon by the Donald.
Narco money launderer Rabbi Zalman Zirkind got sentenced to 84 months in Otisville prison this past Friday. Judge Denise Cote didn’t grant him probation as his lawyer had requested. Kirkind’s sentencing guidelines were 135 months. The Office of Adult Probation recommended 60 months. Judge Cote wasn’t impressed with Zirkind. Prosecutors argued that Zalman Zirkind continued to launder drug money even after his brother Mark got sentenced to 4 years in a Canadian prison back in 2014 for money laundering. Mark introduced Zalman to the money laundering profession. Prosecutors told Judge Cote that Zalman had a high “risk appetite.” Zalman also has a big appetite for noodle kugel.
Zalman pleaded with Judge Cote: “God has blessed me with my wife and children. By trying to make money I thought we needed, I made things worse. I was wrong.” Judge Cote responded: “I’m not able to grant your request for probation. The question is the length of the sentence. The defendant’s family is suffering, and has been for years. I have defendants who come before me from a variety of backgrounds…”
Zalman’s attorney asked Judge Cote if Zalman could travel to Canada to visit his brother Mark for two weeks before he turned himself in to Otisville. Zalman’s brother Mark just got out of prison in Canada for money laundering. Federal prosecutors objected to Zalman traveling to Canada to visit his brother Mark. Request to travel to Canada DENIED. Zalman was ordered to turn himself in to Otisville on February 26th.
Rabbi Zalman got his nephew Rabbi Benzion Zirkind involved in the money laundering scheme. Benzion was busted along with Zalman. Benzion pleaded not guilty. Benzion’s trial should be scheduled later this year. This family of Rabbis laundered tens of millions in cash through New York, Hong Kong, Israel, Columbia, Canada and Mexico. Benzion will be facing trial with his co-conspirators Emiliano Bomba, Brian Para Machado, Jose Baez, and Andy Garibaldi Lopez.
Zalman will be joining Sheldon Silver in the Otisville camp. Otisville is half empty because of COVID. The big name inmates in Otisville have all checked out. Its not a good time to do your time. Jailers have used COVID as a pretext for frequent lock downs and to send prisoners into solitary confinement. 37 year old pot dealing kingpin Jon Braun is still locked up in Otisville. Braun has six years to go.
The opinions expressed in this blog are solely the opinions of Larry Noodles and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or views of Lawrence Dressler, Borat, Ali G or Mel Brooks.
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